sick sick sick

sick sick sick--barely able to move or keep eyes open with these psyhotropics in me. Head is so heavy and hurts so bad. body is very weak and in a lot of pain becauese i am too sick to be able to stretch out spine. couldnt even do a down dog or a childs pose if i tried. don t know why i have such pressure point "nerve burn in my legs. overall i am a total wreck, unbelievable suffering, but its what i have had to endure for the lat several years of my life. i know there is no escape bu t death, and since i dont believe in suicid have to depend on God to release me. My persecutors dont believe in God. They believe a computer intelligence is the principal agent responsible for the actions on Earth, and that the lesser entities that stand between us and it are what I call "demons". But I know there is a God, and I know I suffer at the hands of the PIB's because of this belief and conviction, and because I act by the values which such a belief engenders. That does not fit in with their plans at all.
As sick as I am, I am forcing myself to drink a cup of coffee in hopes that it can perk me up so that I can accomplish one or two chores today. I am supposed to have a mammogram tomorrow. I dont even know what time. so i have to find the letter--not an easy thing to do when I am so sick that even opening my eyes hurt. I could castigate myself for being disorganized but that is who I am, and organizing my life is very low priority right now. I could skip the mammogram but i havent had one in over five years, and one of the most shocking sights I remember seeing as a college student, interning in a hospital, was that of a dying woman who openly sported on her defiantly unclothed chest, two tiny circular bandages where her breasts had just been removed in an unsuccessful attempt to save her life. She was stuck in the stage of "anger", and vociferously hated God, the doctors and nurses, her family, the conscientious and gentle priest attempting to minister to her, and well, just about everything. I felt spared of her malevolence, but I felt that she wanted me (and everyone else) to see the ravaged dismemberment of her feminine flesh. I didn't turn away. Anyway, I don't think I am high risk for breast cancer, and I did just have a doctor do a manual exam, but a mammogram every few years is probably a good idea. Given my gender identity issues, I don't how I would handle losing one or both of my breasts. I've seen what it looks like, and I don't wish it for myself or anyone.
So I have to be well enough to find the letter (which right now seems like a herculean undertaking), and I have to do my laundry. My laundry basket is overflowing, and I have got to get my clothes clean. Laundry wouldn't be such a difficult chore if I had a washer and dryer, but driving to the laundry mat and being around people when I am so sick is onerously challenging.
I can skip cleaning my dirty house even tho it drives me crazy, especially in this heat. But I have to get up and moving because I think that the Illuminati Nazis are preparing for another hit. (I know that they won't stop until they succeed. Their agenda is world domination, and they will do whatever it takes to destroy the greatest threat to that agenda--the USA).
I know that the Illuminati have begun to realize that their own pride-driven web chatter is giving them away. There is a "mole" who posts at RMN who I strongly suspect of evil intent. That person may even be a "double agent" but following the posts of that person has taught me that the Illuminati now curb their web chatter in anticipation of a move. So, when I read that Ben Fulford is taking a 3 week hiatus from posting anything of significance, I have to wonder, are preparations in the works for another hit in 3 weeks? (The way the Illuminati works is that, even before July 15-18, they had alternative strategic plans already in place dependent on the outcome of their proposed, but foiled hit). Of course the alternative is that there are intense, behind-the-scenes negotiations going on, but I firmly believe that the Illuminati will not negotiate in good faith (which doesn't mean that you can't negotiate with them, but that, as Bilbo Baggins said, "In all your calculations, leave room for a live dragon."
So, as sick as I am, I have to stay moving (because like a shark, I have to keep moving in order to think). I don't think best when I sit down and try to think. I think best when I'm running (in the good old days of my youth), walking, washing dishes, watching tv, listening to music or (nowadays, because I'm so physically handicapped) playing solitaire. It is as if concentration on a mundane reality, allows the deeper thoughts to play and percolate. So, I have to move. Indeed, I wonder if the intense drugging of the past few days is to prevent me from being able to think clearly. Then God will have to inspire someone else to pick up the slack which is what just happened. I can't do it all myself, especially since I am not privy to so much necessary information. In retrospect, I think that I could have anticipated the Gulf laser beam attack if I had just had a little more information. I had a lot of pieces of the puzzle--just not the key). There are two levels of information that, like a shark, I constanly need to be working on--the immediate processing of facts of what is going on in the world, so that I can catch the hidden but imminent and lethal moves of the Illuminati, AND a constant and growing awareness of their deeper idenities, histories, and motivations, so that I can better anticipate their moves. I recently got a big piece of the puzzle of the latter type, but I am unable to follow through on it because I am so sick. Maybe that is the point of keeping me all drugged up. For surely I am aware that the Nazis still are wielding powerful tools, and their control over me is one of them.
Having said that, they do not yet wield one tool over me--the control over my thoughts or emotions. The development of thought control or psychic mind control iis something I really want to spend a significant time writing about when I am healthy, because I think that is a big factor in Aryan evil. Because they are psychics, and relate telepathically, they have learned to curb and deny spontaneous emotional impulses and images for harmony. But it is that chaotic, open and free mind play that makes for creativity, true intellectual genius, and indeed, a fully developed human. In the early years of their current civilization development, I think the Aryans became PC (politically correct) overseers, judges and ultimately critics of what went on in other people's head, until they repressed all psychic material of what Jung would term as "shadow". But it is the acceptance and integration of the shadow that makes for a truly alive and creative human being.
Our American society currently is crippled by a PC thought process. What politically correct thinking has done is polarize us into two opposite camps, neither of which is capable of dialogue or relationship to the other side. PC thinking has so blinded us that we are not capable of seeing the total truth of a matter, but of only hewing to politically correct and narrow slices of the truth. When one only sees their side of the truth, they become blind to the whole truth. (And Mr. Glenn Beck, I think you really are a good guy who desires the good, so my heartfelt, spiritual recommendation to you, is that you open up to an honest dialogue with someone like Rev. Jim Wallis, so that you can open up to the whole truth before your body follows your mind and goes dark with the kind of narrow beam vision that PC thinking engenders). PC thinking has led the journalists of the liberal media (who should have known better, but who unfortunately, have not been educated in critical thinking and discernment, but rather in intellectual compliance), to lead the charge of the American voter lemmings over the cliff, ignoring all the red flags that were there, in clear sight, for "all those with eyes to see".
Now, with all the budding psychics around, there is the possibility of an even graver danger to genuine human freedom and human creativity--PC thought of the inner mind and vision. Now, one of these days when I feel better, I am going to go into this in a deeper, more persuasive and expository manner, because I honestly believe that the profound evil which afflicts our Aryan ET relatives is rooted in an original PC curbing of the wide range of emotional thoughts that goes through a healthy person's head. NO doubt they did it to prevent chaos and anger from overtaking their telepathic population, but what they also did was deny the Jungian "shadow" from being integrated into themselves, but the shadow has to go somewhere. It cannot be denied. So it went, and goes onto "people of color, and historically the Jews--another interesting topic for another time--and a denied shadow gains force until it becomes an all-consuming hate, and that is where it is now.
When I was young, a teenager, I was handicapped by my telepathic ability because I could sense or read all the "shadow material" around me, and being psychologically and spiritually immature, I took it as the fullness of reality and took it personally, and felt sorry for myself because I was so hated and so misunderstood, and as a corollary, I was so much smarter and superior to all the people who clearly weren't empathic or telepathic. It was only as I matured and developed a spiritual life that I realized that all the little thoughts and images that go through a person's head or imagination are not the total truth of the matter. They are just datum leading the person, hopefully, to action or conviction. "Negative" or "shadow" datum and/or images are just as important as positive ones in the creation of a healthy well-integrated self. Without this, the human being becomes a power-tripping Aryan, "thought-policing" all undesirable images and impressions, and ultimately (because they must go somewhere) onto a minority of choice. I am a creative person because I resisted PC thinking in college (look at my GPS--every "C" grade I received was the result of me insisting upon my right to free thought--I wish more of our brightest and best had a few "C"'s). Now I find myself resisting "PC emotional-thought policing" by telepaths. It is because I know what kind of a warped, stunted human personality that develops. Jesus said it best, "don't complain about the mote in somone else's eye until you can pick out the log in your own eye." There are a lot of psychics out there, advancing rapidly in telepathic power, who haven't done their own personal spiritual work, and are becoming adepts at picking up on the multitude of motes in others, while handicapped by their own logs of spiritual immaturity and psychological insecurity (self-hatred). Then they see, amplify, and misinterpret the motes obscured by their own inner logs. And the suffering goes on....for all parties included.
More on this for another time. Have to move while i still can. body is stiffening up, got to do things.