seriously catatonic

seriously catatonic--barely able to move. can hardly move arm for mouse or typing. massive effort to move head. so fucked up every which way. praying for death. already made up mind what i will do if aryan pigs start getting in my head. i know they dont give a fuck about my body or soul, just want my brain to power their goddamned ships and computerzs..save their goddamned dying race. dying because they r not fit to live. no heroic measures to keep me alive. i have a soul. death is welcome. more welcome than the knowledge than\ i helped to save a psychotic, evil completely lifeless and joyless race to live. dont know if i will ever know joy, life, vitality again. got som dhea to try to pep me up. at my best i feel like eighty year old woman with foot in grave, at worst i wish for drug to obliterate my consciousness. going to bed now. not in good shape. stupi fucking goddamned pigs thinik they have done something special, fucking goddamned pigs, read the story of samson, i will bring your your goddamned satanic asses down by life or death, the latter being preferable to me now.