risperdol gone which is good news since i am barely functional on risperdol. and severely autistic. now i am on whqat i was before--the goddamned drugs tha t leave my legs cramped up in constant nerve pain, can't even walk around the house except in the most painful and crippled of hobbling. And the energy drain. It is so hard to get up and do anything--simple things, like make peanut butter toast for breakfast or coffee. dont know if the castration means that i am never going to feel human again, but I did have an epiphany. No matter how badly I feel, or how hopeless or unsupported, I have to get up and fight for the future, not for me, but for future generations. That means, Tita, as truly crappy as you feel, you have got to get up with your painful legs and enervated, half-dead body, and move. I want so much to be able to work out. I havent done any exercise in over 10 days, and my body hurts from being locked up, but with my leegs like this i cant do anything. So i have to do what I can do. Start by cleaning my trashed house as much as i am able. so much to do, but so little energy. have to try. for the future.
later...clearly gaining weight. nothing i can do about it. i can barelyh hobble around the house, much lesdo any kind of exercis. especially worried because i think the muscles in thighs and upper arms sturning to fat. great. now that im castrated i go from being a whale to a slug. id be angry if i could care. so fucking depressing. just hjave to hold on. for the future. God help me
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