Even my capacity for depression and intensity

Even my capacity for depression and intensity feels like it is reaching an intolerable threshold. Not only am I abducted and mutilated every night, so that my entire body is wracked with pain and weakness, feeling more and more alien to me with bigger and bigger boobs, but I have just finished a total downer of a novel. It was Arthur Clark's "Childhood End", and I read it after "Rendevouz with Rama". Oddly enough, I never read any of Arthur Clark's novels when I was a teenager, and those were years when I thought I had read every science fiction author of note, at least once. But never Arthur Clark. Even in my teenage years, I must have had a precocity of wisdom that the man as a deeply negative visionary (I thought the same about Robert Heinlein, but at least I read "Stranger in a Strange Land"). Of course, as an adult I now know that Arthur Clark was very involved with high level freemasonry and occult activities, and that connection was the source of so much of his creative ideas. I have already spoke/written about "2001: A Space Odyssey", and its impact on the occult plans for the Europa and Jupiter. "Rama" was not such a bad book, and it was noticeable for the "biot" lifeforms that it introduced--organic, non-sentient MACHINE life forms, as are so many of the Grays. However, the narrative and ending of "Childhoods End" is just horrible, and all the more disheartening, because clearly that is the way that the occult sees humanity's future.

It is not the way I see humanity's future, and I find Clark's vision something to be resisted with full force. Clark tells of a future monumental shift in human evolution, which is preceded by alien visitation and overt guardianship of the planet. His story focuses on lives of the "Greggson" family. I found that interesting, because as a high ranking member of British freemasonry, I hoped to get a clue of what is so important to the occultists about the Gregory family line. I have figured out that it translates to watchers, and that all variants of the Gregor name carry high levels of reptilian DNA, but Clark took it a revealing step further--the Greggson family bears children which are the the first "humans" to make the evolutionary breakthrough which turns them from Homo Sapiens to an autistic collective hive of powerful paranormal and telepathic powers--a combination of the demonically possessed and the Borg (told you that his vision was frightening). Of course, Clark doesn't flesh out his vision that way--he is very vague about the characteristics of the "breakthrough" humans, but I recognize what the "Homo Novum Ordo" are all about. Yes, it takes a while, but eventually humanity is all extinguished from Earth.

Well, at least I learned a little more about why the occult is so zeroed in on me. They think I am the "breakthrough human", and their weenie, enslaved spirits is all excited to have someone lead them to their hellacious "promise land" of collective, spiritual and psychological enslavement to the MACHINE. I don't care if the MACHINE SLAVER is called Tabor or Amon RA, I will not acknowledge its authority over humans. Human beings are INDIVIDUALS, with PERSONALITIES and AMBITIONS created and informed by FREE WILL, and SELF-REGULATED DISCIPLINE. Even if they are telepathic in the future, with paranormal abilities (and that part I will concede), they may be more tightly knit as a human community, but they will still be INDIVIDUALS who have PERSONALITIES AND AMBITIONS, created and informed by FREE WILL, and SELF-REGULATED DISCIPLINE.

The powerful alien beings who come to shepherd Earth during this transition period, are not free of this "Overmind" themselves. As a matter of fact (just as Christian tradition has always held about Satan and his fallen angels), they admit to "envying" humans, for they are not as free of the Overmind as the original (non autistic) humans are. They also are infertile, and hope that by helping to "midwife" (their term" humans into the new "Breakthrough", that it will aid their own evolution. This all sounds familiar to me, as I have read so much of it, in channelings, and even experienced it in my abductions and medical experimentation. Is there hope, I mean real hope, for these Sirian aliens to escape both the clutches of reptilians and the MACHINE (is there really any Sirian that wants to?). I think the answer to both is yes, but I am not in a position where I can see clearly. There does seem to be one alien who has abducted me who I think genuinely cares about humanity--Salusa. At least, I think he has tried on more than one occasion to protect me from the MACHINE-identified aliens. However, I am abducted so often by negative aliens (which again happened last night), that it is difficult for me to trust anyone or anything, but I trust the future. For I see a much brighter and more HUMANistic future for our people than does Arthur Clark.

However, there is yet another negative dimension of the future which Arthur Clark foretells, and while I despise his interpretation, I have to respect it, because I know that as a high ranking occultist, he has been privy to information from alternative timelines. In the novel, there is a smart Black man, who learns the secret of the Overlords (the "midwife" aliens) home, and decides to defy their decree that "the stars are not for humans". So he comes up with a brilliant plan to stowaway on their spaceship back home, and is treated as a guest for a few months before his return to Earth. Because of the laws of Space/Time travel, 80 years has passed when he returns to Earth--a fate that he knew and accepted before embarking. However, he did not plan on returning to an Earth that is completely uncivilized, as the remaining humans are locked into some kind of autistic trance, and all that he can do is observe hopelessly as the "Evolutionary Breakthrough" crescendos, and correspondingly it causes the sun to go dim. The Overlords, who are monitoring Jan's final transmissions realize that the planet Earth is dying. Now, of course Clarke sees this death throe as a new kind of life, but I see it as not only a physical death for the planet and human civilization, but also as the most profound of spiritual enslavement and death.

So clearly Clarke has had access to occult knowledge that tells him that someone of the Gregor clan (of the "watcher" lineage) will have the "evolutionary breakthrough", and a Black man will discover the secret to travel to the stars which the aliens forbid, but it won't matter. All of his knowledge will be for naught as Earth, and then the sun, goes dark and dies.

I will not accept such a future. As a matter of fact, I don't see that as humanity's future at all. The future of humanity as I see it, mostly comes from the Pleiaden channeling. In that future, humans ARE telepathic and highly spiritual, but they have individual and unique personalities as humans now do. I suspect that they are a mixed race of humans--with all genetic pools and heritages represented (which may be why the United States is so much in the forefront of the non-occult alien contact). While humans of the future may be autistic, it won't be such a handicap, for by extended family and educational formation, the children will still develop healthy and whole personalities. I do not think that the Black man (or clique--the Black psychics) learning the secret to star travel, and defying the prohibition on it, will be an ultimately useless endeavor.

However, there are obstacles to this positive future. I cannot figure out how to break free of this negative trap that I am in on my own, and the Black psychics who keep combing my mind looking for racism cannot abide what my own mind and spirit tells me. Actually Sidney Poitier said it much better than me in "Who's Coming To Dinner". In it, his father is trying to tell him to basically, "stay in your place" and don't marry a white girl. SP tells him, "I love and respect you and what you have gone through, but you see yourself as a COLORED man, and I see myself just as a MAN". Twenty years later, all that civil rights wisdom was totally gone, and once again, men of African descent no longer see themselves as MEN, but instead as BLACK men, and because of that they handicap and psychologically cripple their own selves, needing some kind of affirmative action handout to validate their MANhood, but being a man is not like being a human being--a given--it is EARNED, through development of character, and that comes, in the male psyche, from facing adversity, and overcoming it honestly.

I was disappointed watching football again, today. I don't know why I watch it--I knew that many of the games would be a "show" and not a real proving ground for MANhood, but I thought I would check it out. Having such low expectations, there was nothing that really angered me, but yet again, it was disappointing to see a promising young Black quarterback, handicapped and psychologically crippled by effusive and premature praise (not to mention all the wide open receivers that magically appeared). You see, as the Jungian psychologists, and people in the real world know, the psychological development of a strong male self entails the humbling of the insufferably arrogant and self-centered ego of the adolescent male. That is why most of the great quarterbacks in the league were drafted in late rounds. They have a burning desire to do the hard work necessary to prove themselves, because their ego has been completely humbled, and it does take a while to develop the skills of a top quarterback. What is happening with so many of these high talented Black athletes is that they are coming in with egos overinflated with expensive cars, hookers, cash gifts, and even a house. They sign multi-million dollar contracts and they are on top of the world, after being the big jock on campus. Then they get their starting position, and the media falls all over themselves to praise their "leadership, confidence, and poise". They are no longer treated as rookie quarterbacks, but as "Black" rookie quarterbacks, and this respect is not earned, but lavished, because of the color of their skin. Go back, over and over again, and listen to commentators over the years--this is what is happening, and I submit that it sets up a young athlete for failure. Don't treat them as a rookie Black quarterback--treat them just as a rookie quarterback, and I guarantee that leadership will follow, even if it comes slow and hard.

I once read an interview with an Olympic coach of soccer who had coached both men and women teams, and he talked about the difference between the genders. He said that young men are full of themselves, and find it very difficult to grasp a realistic appraisal of their performance. He said that no matter what, it is nearly impossible to knock down a young man's ego by detailing a poor performance or area that needs work. So he said that to get men to peak performance, he constantly had to focus on the negatives. Women, he said were the exact opposite--that no matter how well they performed, or how much praise he lavished on them, they always faulted themselves, and just saw the negatives in their performance. So with women, he kept up with the constant lavish praise. Now, having identified as a female in my formative years, I think I am much more feminine than masculine in my ego (although at this point in my life, I am completely self motivated--neither praise nor criticism handicaps or inspires me. I just do what needs to be done. In short, I am a MAN) However, having coached young men in sports, I recognize the wisdom in this coach's analysis, and again, I submit that treating a man like a woman because he is Black, is going to ultimately lead to either ego inflation or a crippling mind block of self-assumed inferiority. Treat a man like a man, and he will develop into one. Treat a man like a "Black" man, and he will always carry around a psychological complex, just as surely as "Colored" men carried around their inferiority in Jim Crow times.

Anyway, if the future of humanity is to be a positive one, two things need to happen: the "Ultimate Breakthrough" needs to happen on my part, and fruitful leadership and initiative on the horizontal plane needs to happen on the part of the Black men who have learned the secret of travelling to the stars. It may be there, but truthfully, I haven't seen it, though I am starting to catch glimmers of it. However, maybe the fault is mine--maybe I have to initiate and take the leadership, and my own crippled male psyche just wants to stay all alone in its little world where I am sovereign and don't have to put up with other people's shortcomings. If that is the case, I have to tell my inner self that A) I am not sovereign; and B) Every night I am enduring torture at the hands of people whose values I do not share at all.

No matter what, Arthur Clark's future cannot come to pass.