Thursday, September 1, 2011

There has been a slight improvement

There has been a slight improvement in my health today. I am not so sick that I am non-functional. However, I am nowhere near healthy. I have had a migraine headache all day, and am walking around hating life. In short, I have the brain tumor syndrome impacting me again.. Interesting dreams last night, but too sick to go into it. I do have a needle puncture marrk at the base of my skull.

The problem is, that once again, too much csf on my brain. Once again, I am worried about my optic nerve in my right eye--too much pressure onit. I am reading that autistics have too much astrocytes and microglia in the brain--in short, too much matter. (Einstein had the same finding in his preserved brain cells). Basically, it means, too many cells, too much stuff, and it all puts pressure on the brain that is not bearable. A few nights ago, the abductors literally cut away my neck muscles and jaw line, which makes for more csf, which makes for more suffering and hating life.

As usual, I find tht taking testosterone helps alleviate some of the severe autism, but I need so much more than what I can supplement. It is no hardship to see myself changing gender phenotype. I am just so tired of feeling like shit all the time. On top of that, I am suffering from the symptoms of Sjrogen syndrome--I have it much worse than the tennis star does. My mouth is always so dry that it is hard to swallow--especially when the fluid pouch underneath my chin and jaws put pressure on nerves. Then on top of all that, I am smelling the fruity smell on my urine again. Yesterday, I thought I had eaten too much sugar--ate 4 half-stick popsicles--not for the sugar, but for the cold and wet to ease my dry mouth and throat. Today, however, I am back to healthy, no sugar eating, and still, the urine is fruity.

In short, I am a wreck, but nothing for it, but go to bed. Too sick to read. want this life over.

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