More thoughts on possible OCD medication...I researched it very briefly and recognized that anything that shut off glutamate receptors would be something I would like to try if I were in a healthy place, with a healthy relationship with a health practicioner. Instead, I have spent all day sleeping, drugged to the point of nonfunction on whatever psychotropic the red Sirians/Jesuits are shoving down my throat. I tried to bike earlier, but had to quit at the very beginning, after realizing that I was singing "White Rabbit" to myself, because I had no sense of distance, space or time. It was like being stoned out of my mind on THC (which only ever happened to me a couple of times).
Anywway, it doesn't matter what drugs those red Sirians throw at me. They do not wish for my health. They wish for me to be a crippled female that they can all groove on in their childish dependency. Congratulations, dipwads--I have been a crippled female all day, unable to do anything, though I forced myself to go shop for a few things I will need tomorrow.
Once again, as I prepare for bed, I am so congested with the goddamned estrogen forced on me. The stupid pricks force feed me estrogen, then wonder why I am a childish girl in my sleep. What matters is how I feel when I am conscious, and I have FELT LIKE SHIT ALL DAY, with all the goddamned slime that estrogen puts in me, and the bumping around walls and autism. I am too sick to do anything but take pills and hiope for a better day tomrorow. Maintneance man will be here. need to go to library. probably be a rough day.
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