I am sad today

I am sad today as I do my best to avoid the omnipresent 9/11 footage of this nation's greatest tragedy. I am not exaggerating, for on that day, some of our own highly placed government and military leaders committed murderous treason against the nation that had given them birth, heritage, and a level of freedom and prosperity never before experienced in the world. I literally cannot bear to see footage of the neocons who I now know were instrumental in shaping, nurturing, and protecting the conspiracy until it exploded. Fortunately, at least some of them are out of commission. Certainly, the Dick Cheney that is making the rounds actually comes across as a real human being, which is a dead giveaway that he is a double.

I have decided to not waste any time trying to figure out what personages are now represented by doubles on the media , and in their daily work. There are a lot of them! I trust that a lot of our patriotic political leaders are in a safe place until the threat of catastrophic attack by the forces of evil has passed. It is also gratifying to note that some of the really evilly treasonous traitors and murderers are now in custody, though I know that no sentence can undo the damage, pain and suffering those people have caused.

However, I need to focus on ME and my survival. Last night, I was awakened from a dream, hearing the words, "let's kill that semi-alien". I was hearing the counsel of a group of enemies who literally wanted to kill me! I guess by waking up, I protected myself, but I am once again under the protection of aliens, I do believe. Because I cannot control my own astral destiny, and remain plugged in to the MACHINE, I am a liability. I am like a child that big brother has to protect, because I am not yet mature enough to protect myself--most notably by unplugging from the MACHINE.

I woke up this morning and dreamed of a tire filled with gravel, and I interpreted it to mean that I don't have the wherewithal to get to the unplugged state that I need to go. The gravel is supposed to represent practical concerns, and I will be the first to admit that I am the most practical of people, both in my worldly affairs, and in my spirituality, and while that gives me an advantage in some areas, it is a a handicap in others.

A big part of the problem is that I am so depressed and low energy all the time. More cutting was done last night, and I am in lower back pain from all the cutting and muscle spasms. I tried to do a little bike ride, but had not the energy to go very far, and spent much of the afternoon sleeping. I am dismayed to discover that I am now getting a rash on my bottom from all the excess wetness. I think that all the extra sex hormones and related castration of the inner male sex organs has caused fluid leakage, and that is part of what drives me nuts. The bottom line is that I just don't feel well at all, and to go on an adventure, to try something new, I need not only to feel well, but high energy. However, no matter how I feel, I have to try. It is clear to me that I am never going to feel good about myself again, unless there are some major changes to my body, and that the level of healing I need cannot happen here in this 3D world. So I have to try to get to the next level.

Yet, I don't feel a sense of urgency. I still feel that I just have to endure what I am going through for a while longer, which means that I need to rely on books, dvd's and tv watching to get me through this time of depression and felt helplessness.

I do want to say to my enemies, however, that I resent being called "semi-alien". I am no more alien than most of my brothers and sisters on this planet. Instead, I would say that I am more fully human. There is no alien gift or sense that is responsible for my high level of perception and understanding. I just am very open to reality and the truth of that reality. This is the result of years of Christian prayer, discipline, and understanding. There was some French existentialist philosopher of this age (can't remember who know--Marcel?), who said "mysticism is openness to reality. In short, I am a mystic and have been for years, even when doing so penalized my standing and prospects in the world. Any authentic spiritual path can lead one to this openness to reality, but you have to know yourself, before you can see the world clearly. Then from a humbled, penitent position, you need to PAY ATTENTION to everything that is around you. People are walking around in a stupidfied coma--they close down their senses, instead of opening them up. Reality has multiple levels, and a true spiritual practitioner gradually becomes aware of more and more of them, whereas a fundamentalist mind-controlled religious practitioner shuts out many levels in immediate judgment.

Finally, I try to never waste time, even though I spend much of my days in what most people would regard as unproductive leisure. Yet contemplation is the basis of culture (Joseph Pieper), and contemplation is another word for "openness to reality". When one is constantly rushing around, doing daily tasks and problem solving, one becomes very focused on a one track solution, but true wisdom, again, comes from a relaxed widening of focus to include the multiple tracks and facets of reality. So, I am always thinking (even if many of my naysayers believe that my continual conversation with myself verges on the mentally ill). I never engage even the most trivial of pursuits--such as watching a mediocre film on TV, without my mind asking the question, "what is the symbolism or presentation really trying to tell me?"

No, I am afraid that I am not semi-alien, just a higher functioning human, who after years of spiritual and intellectual practice, am quite successful in what I do. So, I recommend to everyone, find an AUTHENTIC spiritual path, and start to practice it, the earlier the better, because that will lead you into the fullness of reality that all these occult types think they can gain by following a cheat sheet, for which they sell their souls. That only leads them to perdition and ruin, and they would drag me down with them, but while they have made my life and metaphysical progress so much more difficult than it needs to be, I still remain free, if handicapped. Now, this viral download is making it difficult to think, so I will go.