Fears of the next KaBal attack has led me to modify my original plan of severing all perusal of the Hillary Clinton blog site, which is where I get a lot of my information. I know most people won't understand it, but I have really strict guidelines on how to deal with transference. Since so many people (mostly men--who seem much more vulnerable to it than women) have transferred their unconscious projections onto me, and then gone a step further, and violated not only my privacy, but also my bodily integrity, I am very sensitive to the harm it can cause. However, I have to weigh that against the harm that lack of knowledge can cause, and while I have known for a few days that the KaBal's next big action was to spread plague, I thought I had a little breathing space before it hit. So yesterday, I became a little more concerned about gathering intel info, because the foreseeable catastrophe could be so huge that I really do need to stay ahead of the curve.
There seems to be very little info out there--probably because disinformation regarding the financial system changes are so rife, that everybody has battened down the leaks and opinions. I am okay with that--I trust that the indicators will be revealed when the time comes--as a matter of fact, important information may already have been plucked out of my mind, as I was surfing the web yesterday. Normally, I would "sit" with my feelings, and let the discernment process tell me what is up, but it is the feeling process that is being hooked by transference, which yes, leads to me to do a lot of good, but also trips me up into doing the bidding of the evil KaBal, because unconsciously, in my sleep, I am vulnerable to exploitation by them. Because I have read enough of Hillary's site to be certain that the good guys are back in control of our government, I am just going to let the process happen. I don't need to explain my thought processes and content as insurance to make sure it gets out, because I can trust that the good guys are on top of it. That is good. It means I can go back to reading the stack of novels I brought back from the library.
My mind is capable of reading right now, but I am so severely autistic that I am all but non functional. There is just way too much fluid on the brain, and I am suffering terribly. Yesterday morning, I resolved that if I did nothing else I would clean my kitchen, which has been a mess for over a week--so much so that I wouldn't cook. I have been eating nothing but TV dinners and sandwiches, which I hate, because I like to eat healthily, and have been missing my salads and raw veggies--but it has been too much effort to rinse them at a dirty sink, and both my plates in the house were dirty. (I purposely only have two plates, as a planned self-incentive to always wash my dishes after every use--I am not the world's most conscientious housekeeper, and I don't have a dishwasher). Anyway, it took over 4 hours to wash a few dishes and clean a kitchen. Were I healthy, it would have been done in less than half an hour. However, I was so sick that I could barely move, and I kept having to take rest breaks. But I did it--my kitchen is clean!
So now, I am moving on to meet today's great goals--take a shower and go get a replacement driver license. I need to start shopping for a new bank, but will need ID to open a new account, and I have been operating on an expired temporary license for over a month now. It pisses me off--it will cost me over 20 bucks, when the license was not lost, but deliberately taken from me, but it needs to happen. I hate the thought of my picture being taken when my body is mutilated and chopped down to the size of my 10 year old body. I can't stand being in it, much less being reminded of it in a picture, but it needs to happen.
I have to do all this when I am not only so autistic that I can barely operate in reality, but also so physically rigid that I can not walk like a human being, but only a machine. All the cutting the goddamned dog Sirians/Air Force/Amon Ra operatives do to me leave me not only in constant pain, but also unable to move in any natural manner whatsoever. I started crying this morning, when I opened a chain email from a yoga studio I used to occasionally visit. I was reminded of how much I miss my body and its vitality, and how good it used to feel to exercise, and I am furious and saddened to know that I will never be able to exercise in this fucked up, mutilated female body that the fucking pigs have forced on me. The extent of my exercise is the tremendous effort it takes to torque my body to clean myself after using the toilet. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the prop of the shower door handle to help me turn around. I can no longer ride my bike or even walk up and down the alley. All I can do is read, and suffer pain in my ribs where the motherfuckers cut.
YOU STUPID FUCKS--I HATE EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING TO THIS BODY, AND I AM SICK OF BEING IN PAIN TO SATISFY YOUR FUCKING PROJECTIONS. I AM NOT A WOMAN. I HATE THIS BODY YOU HAVE FORCED ON ME, AND ALL I CAN DO IS SUFFER IT.