I have been feeling as close to my "normal" self, in the past couple of days, as has happened in a long time. Not only is my positive energy level much higher than it has been in months (did the aliens return my sacral nerves and muscles to their original position?), but I feel in tune with reality, instead of alienated from it. Likewise, I feel more at peace with my own inner self, which to me, is another way of saying that I am in tune with my inner self instead of alienated from it. I still am not my normal, optimally healthy self. I recognized early today (and last night) that my brain was getting in stuck in obsessive compulsive tracks. Now, I normally go over and over again, the thoughts and images in my head, but I know that all the occult interference and drugs have made those repetitive ruminations much more compulsive. And, for the record, it is better for my creative process that I get stuck in obsessive compulsive mental repetition than I am drugged on lithium or some other psychotropic which deadens my mind, and makes thinking and verbalizing a struggle. I wonder if some kind of OCD psychotropic would benefit me?
I know that if I were completely free of all these alien viruses, that I would be able to heal my body/mind/spirit/soul most efficaciously, but I know that is not going to happen. I recognize that I am still suffering from viral downloads, but it is not so damed crazymaking or psychosis causing as before. I don't know--maybe I am on some new psychotropic drug, and tomorrow, I am going to wake up totally debilitated. I can't help but notice that oftentimes, I will be fine on a psychotropic for a few hours, or the first day, but as soon as they accumulate in my brain, I become barely able to function. Still, it feels good to feel more in touch with reality than I have in a long time.
This isn't to say that I am not suffering. Very soon, I am going to have to lay down or sit in my massage chair, for my back spasms are killing me. I tested a pint of vodka I purchased a couple of days ago, and after one sip, I got very sick with the kind of viral affliction that I guess the Amon Ra devotees create--but it was different, much worse, and much more alienating than the other viral downloads I have been experiencing all day. Maybe someone pulled an implant out of my head.
Anyway, it feels good to feel more like a human being, even though as I write this, that "normal" feeling is gone, as the viral download is gaining steam, but at least I had nearly an entire day of feeling normal.