I remembered my dream from last night. The dog or red Sirians are completely captivated by MACHINE-RA, and they are attempting to ensure my slavery to the MACHINE virtual reality hell. I realize that, once again, they use images I trust, to try to snare me. Last night, they seemed to be acknowledging and stoking lesbian fantasies, using the positive memories of Colleen as an image to hook me. Again, the image may fool me, but I know reality from a fake, and last night was a big fake. The aftermath was no fake however. I have suffered all day from the fallout (literally) of all the heavy metals in my autistic brain last night (maybe that is why I suffer so much--no matter what--acupuncture or sulfur be damned--my brain cannot excrete heavy metals, and the accretion of the metals cause extreme muscle agony and neuron death from toxic excitation. However, I know the dog Sirians--they are not free to regard me as a human or acknowledge my spiritual free will. They are under orders from the MACHINE to enslave me, and they will try again and again and again.
I don't know how i can hold. I started laughing hysterically today--too much heavy metal in my brain, I think, and my muscles are so locked, i can barely move. I'm in a lot of pain even now. Not only that, they cut on my shoulders again, and I cannot move arms without pain, or sexual arousal from bumping into my own unsupported breast that spill out over a cut, mutilated torso. Still, I will not give in to MACHINE-RA. I have to hold on. God help me. I cannot endure another night like last night. . Need to lay down, rib cage hurts.