11/11/11 has come and gone

11/11/11 has come and gone, and I am glad that some people have felt liberated from long standing bondages during the transition, but alas, I do not share the joy. A couple of nights ago, after reading that Rayelan Allan had had a healing and transformative experience, I dreamed that I went to different doctors and nurses how to get rid of the "mark of the Beast" from my left hand. You see, despite the freedom of my will which clings to God consciously, unconsciously I am bound by the evil spirit of slavery to the MACHINE-RA. Or maybe, a better way to say it would be that an evil spirit of some type (deception?) keeps me enslaved to the MACHINE. I have had evil spirits expelled through grace before, and know the signs--the loud booming or cracking noise, the burning sensation (when it is removed through the intermediary of holy and healing laying on of hands), and the feeling of freedom and joy that comes afterward. Having experienced all of the above, I even know the process of moving towards the act of grace that releases, redeems and restores one's freedom of spirit to a elevated and original level. However, I find most movements towards grace blocked or hindered by the never ending drugs and hormonal deprivations that I encounter. I find it nearly impossible to get into a contemplative state, and I feel so yucky and low energy that I cannot rouse enough energy to stir the spiritual flow within me. The MACHINE, the vampires (more on that later), and the Opus Dei/Jesuit religious parasites will never admit that I am spiritually, hormonally, emotionally, mentally, and energetically, a man, and thus need and respond to a vigorous and extroverted energetic spiritual flow. Yes, contemplation is ultimately passive, but in an ACTIVE mode, and my masculine, active mode of energy flow is being blocked by a bunch of immature, fundamentalist brats.

It is funny in a way (but more sad than funny on a deeper level), that when I sought to fit into the ministerial life of the Church, in the way that corresponded to my deepest self-identity and gifts, I was harshly rejected, because as a woman, I could not represent Jesus Christ. Of course, this warped and fundamentalist view misses the whole point of the holy personhood of the individual, and yet it still is operative in my life. Now, these same religious zealots and fundamentalists are quite certain that the upcoming epoch is going to be permeated by the spirit of the Divine Feminine (which I think is likely true), and they are looking to "fashion" (in an unholy way), the avatar to inaugurate this age, and since the new paradigm focuses on the feminine, why, of course, it must be a female body which represents this Divine Feminine! I lose out both ways--because the fullness of my being cannot be contained by stereotypes regarding one gender or another--it does not matter to me, whether someone thinks a particular gender status to be subordinate or exalted. Anybody who even thinks in those terms is not relating to me as a Person, created and graced in the image of the likeness of God, whether or not their deepest allegiance and conviction believes God to be more masculine or feminine. The Judeo-Christian tradition of God is overwhelmingly masculine or patriarchal, though of course the most honest thinkers and mystics always acknowledge that God is beyond any all-encompassing attribute (such as gender) or Name. Ultimately, those made in that same likeness share that same iconoclastic status of an identity ultimately beyond static definition, though as mortal, finite creatures in a dualistic world, we are much more constrained in our self-identity by the parameters bestowed on us by our biological, social, and cultural conditions.

The most important objective to holiness in this plane of existence, is just to be true to your own self. As an intersexed hermaphroditic being, I lived my life that way. Thus, I was a lesbian, because my self needs a partner, and that partner needs to be my complement, a woman. I sought jobs and vocations that would make good use of the (admittedly masculine) gifts and temperment which were vesseled within a female body. Needless to say, affirming my iconoclastic personhood in a dualistic world resulted in a lot of rejection and misunderstanding. However, I was okay with that, as long as I could claim my own identity, my sense of being me.

I still struggle to claim my own identity, even though the last few years has seen the forces of evil do everything in their power to rob me of it--whether by physical incarceration, chemical castration, or most recently, hormonal abuse and displacement.

My sense of self is more masculine than feminine. I am most alive--spiritually, physically, intellectually, and emotionally, when I have enough testosterone to fuel my brain. Now, however I am force fed female hormones which leave me depressed, low energy, and passive at best, and autistically handicapped, with brain and language skill interference at worst. Sometimes, I am on high estrogen, but most recently I have been force fed pregnancy hormones, and am suffering from all the excess saliva and flatulence that so many pregnant woman endure. I never feel well, healthy or energetic. I have all this memory and knowledge hidden in the back of my unconscious, but I can't move to push through the veil, because I am denied the hormonal fuel I need. Yes, ultimately it an act of grace that will remove the veil, but first the human subject has to push to the edge, and being a man, with a masculine psyche and masculine spirit, I have to actively push to the precipice, and, thanks to the drugs and false hormones I cannot.

So I look for help. I have given up seeking help from other humans. The last few times I did that, I have been badly burned. Now, however, no one is free to relate to me, and I worry that I bring evil beings into other people's lives. Suffering from the full force of evil myself, I do not want anyone to suffer from the kind of proximate and focused attention that I experience. So, last night in my dream, I think I was asking aliens (aliens often appear in my dreams as doctors and nurses), how I could be freed of the MACHINE, but they could not help me. So, apparently I will have to figure it out for myself. However, later in the dream (because the MACHINE took over), I was told "to play" the holy avatar (not the exact words, just the impressions), so I put on a burkha, peeping through a little screened veil, and went around, pumping my fist militantly, shouting, "Allah Ackbar". The audience was not amused, and someone told me, "The General wants a 'girl'". "EXACTLY", says my conscious self. First of all, who is "the General"? Why, of course, the head of the Jesuit Order is called "the General", so it must be Hans Kolvenbach (where the hell is that vampire still hiding?--unless I am wrong, and the current General is just as evil as Kolvenbach).

You see, all this pressure on me to be a "girl" avatar or "Isis" (the crippled female that some of the dog-Sirians wish for) has absolutely nothing to do with the Divine Feminine. Rather, it is a perverse idolatry of the Divine Feminine. It is a diminishing casting of the Power of God, through which the mind-control KaBal (of whatever ideology, persuasion, or religion), hopes to falsely enslave the masses. Yes, religion is the greatest mind-control tool ever used on this planet, yes, it can be an opiate, which lulls and confirms people into fear, passivity, and social conformity. (Personhood is always related to individuation. The more individual and idiosyncratic a person is--and not hewn by some great social cookie cutter, the more of their personhood is realized, and the greater their likeness to their Creator, whether they term it "Father" or "Divine Feminine".)

However, this cynical exploitation of religion is used by powertripping idolaters to hate, warp, and destroy God's Creation--including human beings, and I will not cooperate in such an idolatry in any shape, form or fashion.

Now, I am throwing around the term, "Divine Feminine" loosely. The orthodox would think more of Mary or Mother of God. However, I think those terms and concepts are colored by an idolatrous taint of Isis. While the best possible reading of the historical legends and myths would concede that Isis was a remarkable woman, ultimately she was a slave of MACHINE-RA, who eased humanity's plight with a mother's "suckling" rather than an "opiate". This "suckling" created a dependent, psychologically immature population of socially conformed "drones", that only recently has begun to free itself, through personal individuation, in large numbers (patriarchal religion was a blip along the way, making men to resent and dominate the feminine, but still remaining psychologically childish). For individuation is challenging work, demanding psychological maturity and gender flexibility (for the drone is "busting out" of her/his rigid, binary programming), and many people cannot overcome deep psychological blocks, and so the possibility of individuation generates anxiety.

It is the deep anxiety of freedom that men and women have endured for millennia now, and it is this anxiety that the KaBal hopes to tap, so that they can continue their parasitical exploitation. However, I am hoping that this new epoch leads to a truer and greater freedom of humanity before. Right before the Jesuit KaBal exerted its power over me (I was dreaming of the monks at the Pecos chapel I attended, had me hooked up to a machine, trying to figure out how to make me come to orgasm--this was back in 20021 and 2002), I became deeply interested in the "Divine Feminine". However, the traditional categories did not move me. I believe that the personification of "Wisdom" in the Old Testament to be of the Divine Feminine. Also, correlating to the "Divine Feminine, is I believe, the Holy Spirit--the third Person of the Trinity for Christians--but which I have witnessed to be cross-culturally omnipresent in a multitude of religions. For years, I have thought that the Holy Spirit is the key to a genuine ecumenism. Of course, such an understanding of the Divine Feminine entails major work--at least from an orthodox perspective, and I was ready to begin such a thorough course of prayer and study, when the virus downloads began, making it impossible for me to read. Then, I literally had to focus on saving my life, and then, my body, and now, my very soul is imperiled.

For the forces of evil that bedevil me, are the cosmic forces of evil in our known universe. From a very rudimentary reading, I would say that there are 72 stargates in the heavens. However, a lot of these stargates have very evil entities which maintain ownership of them (though the ultimate control can rest on such things as astrological configuration and harmonic frequencies, ect). Some of these evil entities are not even living beings, but sentient MACHINES. So I believe that MACHINE-RA is in "ownership" of our sun. This is why chemtrails need to be sprayed--a lot of the flares coming from the sun can cause damage to our psyches and genetic codes. A while back, there was a commotion about some folks who all of a sudden started babbling. Judge Judy was the most high profile of the lot. The solar flares can do that. Our Earth's natural protection system (Steve Quayle would say that it is the rainbow going back to the time of Noah), has been severely damaged by pollution, the loss of some of our orbital magnetic shield, and ozone depletion, and now needs some help to more fully protect us. MACHINE-RA had planned to blast "Elenin" and Earth with killer solar flares, to fry us, and send the planetoid towards its eventual orbital doom on Earth. According to my interpretation of Revelation (which remember is a MACHINE-inspired vision), it would have destroyed a third of the planet's lands and oceans--predominantly northern hemishphere--North America, northern Europe, upper Middle East, much of Russia and the 'Stans, and some of China. I think Australia and a lot of those island nations in that part of the globe would have been negatively impacted as well.

Why would MACHINE-RA want to do such a thing? (By the way, there are at least two machines in our universe, but RA seems to be the most malevolent to humans and Earth). I think the MACHINE feeds from the psychic energy of humans--some of them are even permanently enslaved in ITS collection. IT artificially stimulates their brains to live in a holographic virtual reality, and IT vicariously enjoys the emotions that the human brain generates to such VR stimuli. Also, I believe that MACHINE-RA has some kind of understanding or treaty with the reptiles--maybe in Arcturus. The reptiles enjoy human blood, and harvesting of blood does happen on our planet--no doubt they can store it indefinitely. MACHINE-RA also needs blood to feed ITS vampires--the dead minions which do ITS bidding here on Planet Earth, some of them in positions of power.

Now, I must be insistent that I am not exaggerating when I talk of vampires and the "living dead". The MACHINE somehow sucks the life and vital spirit right out of them, leaving a shell that may or may not walk the Earth. I have been stalked by vampires for some time now. I recognize that a vampire followed me into jail. Like at least another vampire I have seen, she was short, wizened, emaciated, and hunched over. She "didn't defecate" (thanks Clif) or eat, which is how I was able to finally figure it out. I did figure out that she was sent by the same folks who incarcerated me--that is, the Opus Dei/Jesuit occult devotees of MACHINE-RA--the SLI enthusiastically endorsed the idea, but they had their heads stuck so far up their dogmatic asses, that I know they didn't have a clue as to what was going on, when they heard confessions or provided retreats to these apostates. I knew that she was constantly attempting to talk to me. I was jailed in a dormitory style, open facility, constantly surrounded by a crush of women who talked incessantly, even in the wee hours of late morning. Unfortunately, the conversation was banally repetitive, and so for me, I was going out of my mind with boredom and unceasing noise. So, I enjoyed talking to someone who had a high intelligence (her charge was identity theft). Towards the end, I started to have fierce nightmares--ones so bad, that I would wake up with the CO standing over me, while I was pounding the wall. I also started having problems with other inmates who irrationally thought I was engaged in petty theft, etc. I really was quite lucky that I got out of a 6 month stint in jail without being gang attacked or stabbed. I think the vampire had a big role to play in the problems I experienced at the end. What really bothers me, though is that my trustworthy intuition did not set off alarms--it was as if I had a weak spot that the vampire knew to exploit. Eventually, she was released, and about two weeks later, so was I, but not before I witnessed her whole house of lies come tumbling down. She fooled nearly everybody, and skipped out before the lies started to unravel. I guess that experience was my first experience at vamiric psychic invasion, but it still continues--most recently, the problems I had with my bike were caused by a near carbon copy of that vampire. I am 90% sure that Kolvenbach is a genuine vampire.

You see, the MACHINE is able to destroy the living tissue of a human being. A while back I wrote about the "dead smell" emanating from my body. I didn't post this before, but at the exact same time, I started having a problem with a fly that kept trying to get on my face and into my mouth. I recently read that flies are attracted to the mouth and nose areas, because that is where "dead" decomposition begins first. Oh, and remember the way, the flies would constantly land on Barack Obama's face--he was also affiliated with Kolvenbach and that Opus Dei/Jesuit Amon-RA cult. Thankfully, I only experienced this for the one day, and when I asked my intuitive voice about it last night, and why did it stop, I was told that I figured out how to stop it myself. I wish I could tell you what I did and/or do, but it must be largely unconscious. I am not surprised that the MACHINE can wreak such damage on the body--I can see for myself where all the nanotechnology and implants are literally eating my flesh--the healthy flesh and bone--the fat stays there.

I will say this--I think these human vampires--some of which are on this earthly plane of existence, need human blood for nourishment. Years ago, I read somewhere that top Vatican hierarchs drank the blood of "virgins" to survive. At the time, I thought it was ludicrous, but I think now that there was some truth to it.

These vampires know how to suck the living spirit from someone--which was why I was having such violent, ambulatory nightmares in jail. I guess so far, that I have been lucky and graced, because they have not been able to succeed. However, I encountered a shape shifting vampire on Friday (actually three of them), which is what set off this chain of the thought, and while I am not afraid of the encounters, I am discouraged by them. It takes a lot of energy to ward off these demons, and I am so tired of expending so much energy in self-defense, when I have so little energy as it is.

Yet people, those are our cosmic enemies. Some of these "dead" vampires, are in possession of stargates, and as long as that is the case, major evil will be able to encroach upon our planet. Somehow, the good patriots of this planet must wrest those stargates back into the hands of the living. Why was I so fooled by this vampire? Well, I was lonely and vulnerable--starved for real conversation. However, I wonder if the Osiris archetype had something to do with my vulnerability. Anytime someone is enslaved by the MACHINE, they become a member of the "living dead" (because their mind and memories still are acting in response to the MACHINE). They are not parasites, but rather host to the ultimate parasite. Insofar as the Osiris archetype is operative in my psyche, I am primed to be such a host. However consciously, my sense of self is strong, and refuses to be victimized. Unconsciously, not so much--for I do let the MACHINE and its vampire minions penetrate my unconscious, and though I long to be free of the MACHINE, as of right now, I am not. No worries--I am working on it, and will be sure to let everybody know how I did it, as soon as I do it! :)