Cranky and irritable.

Cranky and irritable. I am in desperate need of testosterone. I probably am on some psychotropic drug that is making it difficult to concentrate, and even be present to reality, but the worst part of it all is that I am out of T-tabs. Actually, I have three left, but I am hoarding those for extreme emergency.

Yesterday, I went to the store where I always buy my testosterone. Of course, I know the store is associated with Amon RA types (more on that later), and the testosterone is always adulterated with something--usually estrogen, but up till now, I always got my need for testosterone met. After all, I am so used to adulterated meds and altered states of being, that I was willing to take the bad with the good. However, the good is now severely undermined. I took a couple of the T tabs yesterday afternoon, and instead of pulling me out of a semi-psychotic state, they dug me in deeper. I couldn't stop shaking my head, my muscles literally felt like they were being ripped apart, and I ended up taking a lot of dope in order to escape the pain. I was lights out by 6:30 pm. Interesting dreams last night. I can only interpret them as a major victory for the good guys. As best as I can figure out, MACHINE-RA keeps rotating frequencies to enslave the Sirian/Pleidian (?) aliens, and once I get tuned into the frequency, I shout it out to the whole world, so that the good guys know how to shut it off. I don't know why I can be plugged into the MACHINE and still maintain my free will, but so far I have. Of course, life isn't worth living much, when I am as low energy and drugged as I am, but apparently, in the astral world, I have all the vitality and vigor I need.

One of the last images I dreamed before awakening is that of an iguana trying to climb up the stairs into a church. It was attacked by a fierce komodo dragon which ripped its back open. That is all I remember, but I must have survived the attack, even though I was so estrogened up, I could barely move this morning. I think the iguana was me. When I was in Central America, I would go and sit still by the river and observe the tropical/jungle wildlife. The iguanas were the best. They were a bright lime green, and had quick, darting movements. To me, they seemed highly intelligent. I ate all kinds of weird things while I was down there, but the only food that turned my stomach, was when my family informed me that I had just eaten iguana eggs which had been cooked while they were still inside the mother. Jungle caviar. It was considered quite the delicacy, and tasted buttery and salty good at the time, but it still upsets me to think about it.
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Well, somehow I survived that experience, but life in 3D seems harder. I am so autistic that I often find it difficult to keep my eyes open--including now. The body is desperate for testosterone--not only emotionally, but mentally (can't think well without it), and physically. My legs feel like columns of iron without it. THe thing is, I don't know but that the aliens around me aren't playing devil's advocates. I finally got into my basement, to get my winter clothes out--all my sweatshirts are gone!! I know I wrote about them in an earlier post, so I can't help but feel it is deliberate. Of course, I can always go and buy some, but I HATE shopping.

I should do another check through before bed time and make sure that the YU55 asteroid didn't throw any surprises, but whatever drug I am on, has me so tired, that all I want to do is sleep. I would do so much better if I weren't so fricking drugged.