Wednesday, November 9, 2011

My "starter" still is not working

My "starter" still is not working--no surprises, as I am still on psychotropic drugs. I am not sure what, but I could tell that I had no "feeling" for music this morning. I also have no feeling in my legs. It is funny how I just am put through the recycle wringer of psychotropics over and over again. I have had these neuropathic (nerve pain), "dead" legs before--as a matter of fact, a long time ago. Also, I feel oddly "disconnected" from reality--as if nothing I do or say matters or is important. Of course, my psychologically dominant function (Jungian) is intellectual, not "feeling", and so my mind is giving the orders, "It doesn't matter what you feel or don't--proceed anyway". Still, it is helpful and motivating to "feel" the value and, at times, urgency of my research.

In a way, it is a positive that I feel as if the world is in a little bit of a lull (though it never seems to last long). Sometimes, I feel as if I completely focused on the negative. Thus, while YU55 and Elenin are interesting to me, I basically have a positive intuition regarding the phenomena, and so I don't dig deep into figuring out the whys, hows, whats, etc. I just trust the experience to reveal itself in the fullness of time--which could be long after the experience passes. Now, if my starter was working, I would be digging through all kinds of bookmarked data and research, because when my starter is working, I have an insatiable curiosity about everything (Doggone, what is that "Elenin?"). When my starter is working, I have a bucket list of things to do, read, and figure out before I die, tens of pages long. When my starter is not working, I drag through absolute musts and daily chores. Even now, today, I find it so difficult to get up and get dressed to take care of daily chores. I just want to go sit in my massage chair and watch TV. However, I have to stay on top of daily chores, because, cynic as I am, I expect that things can go south in a real hurry.

Speaking of going south, that is where Hillary Clinton is going, and so often, when she heads down to that south Pacific/Asia region, the KaBal looks to take advantage. I was reading a post about HAARP clouds over Australia, but could not tell from the description if they were HAARP clouds (full, billowy sheets), or chemtrails (linear trails that wisp along the sides). HAARP clouds presage an artificial earthquake (look at the photos of the clouds above northern Japan before the tsunami). Chemtrails, on the other hand, often have a positive function of trying to protect the land below from solar flares or artificial heat-warming weapons. The problem with chemtrails is that a lot of heavy metals have been surreptitiously added to the mix, in order that the human body can become more attuned and responsive to MACHINE-RA's frequencies. I hope the good guys have figured that out, and are attempting to edit out unnecessary heavy metals in the chemtrails. However, chemtrails may be a necessary evil, in some formulation or another, for a while. HAARP clouds on the other hand, have no benefits whatsoever.

So, I need to take care of mundane business while there is a lull. I have to try to get some testosterone. I think a lot of the depression, low energy, and "don't give a damn" feelings that I am experiencing are the result of low testosterone..

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