Monday, November 28, 2011
My muscles are so locked and spasmed
My muscles are so locked and spasmed that i feel like a boa constrictor is wrapped around my torso. I can barely breathe, and it is not something an inhaler will alleviate. The asthma is caused by a spasmed, locked rib cage that is constricting my lungs, diaphragm, and torso, making it difficult to breathe fully and oxygenate the entire body. The oxygen is only getting as far as my lung. This lack of oxygenation is further exacerbated by all the damned mucous in my mouth, nose, and entire respiratory tract--thanks to the fucking, hateful estrogen that is in my system. I had some fish oil, but that was tampered with over the holiday weekend as well. I keep going in deeper and deeper in debt while I routinely toss out a hundred bucks worth of tampered meds and supplements every month. On top of everything else, everywhere I am stalked by Amon-RA rapist pricks. There is just not anything nice I can say about those men. Not only was it a Nazi Amon-RA cult responsible for raping me, but for years now, I have noticed what creepy, warped males were in the cult. Rarely do I encounter females--they are either abusive swinger types or lost, abused, victimized types--think Cindy and Casey Anthony... To top it off, also, I now am being stalked by the dog Sirian types. As best as I can figure out, the dog Sirians have made an alliance with the Nazi/Amon-RA types in the past, but MAY currently be free. I don't know and I don't care. Racists of any type or stripe are the biggest turn-off in the world to me. Further, there vision of me as a celibate, crippled girl child saint makes me want to vomit. Sorry charlie--find some other crippled female lame to fit that bill. It ain't me. As long as i crippled and lame with this fucked up, mutilated body and this goddamned estrogen, I guarantee you, the only thing coming from me will be impotent rage. I am a MAN, and that is how I am creative, and that is how I love, and being forced to be a female destroys the best that is in me. I expect such stupidity from Amon-RA types, but i would hope for better from the dog Sirians--unless, of course, they are too enslaved into the MACHINE to be free enough to recognize and appreciate a free and genuinely holy spirit. I am sick to the point that I am unable to do any exercise--my legs are to weak to barely walk, much less exercise, and my brain is unable to bear the stimuli of reality for any length of time--I am walking around with "brain tumor syndrome". I do not know how much longer i can tolerate the hell that is my life. I am too sick to barely function--I can only move for a little while before I need to shut my eyes and rest. Need to do that now. God, I am miserable and suffering beyond all expectation. When does this hell end?