Friday, December 23, 2011
The current outlook is much grimmer than I had thought
The current outlook is much grimmer than I had thought, and I have a good intuition on the reasons for that, but I am too sick to pursue the line of thought--at least right now. I MUST shower and get out and about for some chores. I stepped on my only pair of glasses, and while they are the most indestructible horn rims that you can buy, I am clumsy with my hands, and afraid of breaking them completely, if I try to fix them. It doesn't help, when I am constantly sick at the hands of the dog Sirians. A few days ago, I wrote about having to throw away seventy two dollars worth of food, because some psychic vampire allied with Amon-RA had it contaminated with an electronic signature at the checkout counter. Well, when I came home and tested other food products, I realized where the vampire got his idea--the dog Sirians had come into my house and tampered with my food in my home!! Of course, I cannot stop that--apparently they have a key, and think they have got a right to come in and do whatever the fuck they want in my house. At the time, I realized that the dog Sirian frequency made me a little bit sick--the same old sense of being autistic and barely functioning in reality. However, I feel so much like death warmed over most of the time anyway, so I could ignore it. However, I think they altered my cranium, so that my brain stem is getting the full force of the viral download, and now eating is making me much sicker--shaking the head, semi-psychotic kind of sick. Even as I write this, I am barely in reality, but that is nearly a full hour since I have eaten. I think that they probably have tampered with my cooking oil--because it smells funny. Anyway, I am fucking pissed off about this most recent violation. YOU STUPID ASS SIRIANS JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? My brain doesn't work like most other people--YOUR GODDAMNED VIRAL DOWNLOADS MAKE ME SO SICK THAT I GO NEARLY PSYCHOTIC WITH EXTREME AUTISM. THERE AIN'T NO 'ASCENSION' HAPPENING WITH ME IN THIS STATE. It takes all I have just to open my eyes. I FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT IN THIS STATE, HATE IT, AND HATE AND DISTRUST THE WHOLE PROCESS THAT IS MAKING ME ILL! I would already have been compliant with the Ascension process if I had just been treated like a human being. Instead, my body is a pain-wracked wreck, I have no energy to do anything, and I can barely relate to reality. Last night, I dreamed that Maurice Strong was the primary person responsible for my inability to trust, and sure, his stupid ass violations of my free will and civil rights (which the SLI was only too happy to enthusiastically endorse--I went there right before my incarceration), may have been the start of my shutting down my spirit and closing off my trust, but there has been absolutely nothing or no one who has done a thing to gain it since. I have given and given and given, while more and more of my body was destroyed and taken. Now, I have a zero trust in the reality around me--for Christ's sake, I can't even eat my food without the goddamned fuckers trying to poison me. I can't be neighborly friendly and loan my truck out to a neighbor (actually a shape shifting Sirian), without them putting an energy weapon in it. I can no longer sleep in my bed, because I get too damned sick. I was telling the shape shifting (wanna be) neighbor about it, and he thought it was funny--IT IS NOT FUNNY, GODDAMNED IT!! I can't hold a job, I can barely function, and now on top of everything else I can't even eat without spending the rest of the day so sick I can barely function. WELLL FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMNED DOG SIRIANS! TAKE YOUR FUCKING DOGS AND GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! STAY THE FUCK 0UT OF MY HOUSE AND THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN! I AM NOT ASCENDING ANYWHERE UNTIL I FEEL SAFE, AND I DO NOT FEEL SAFE WHEN I AM SO FUCKING AUTISTIC THAT I AM NOT EVEN IN REALITY. Now, I am in terrible pain on top of the autism--hurts to even sit at the compute, with all the pain caused by mutilation. need to lay down.