Posting while my outside chair warms up--it is a recliner. i find i sleep better sitting up than laying down. hard to sleep at all. i am suffering from brain rushes again. brain rushes caused by lithium. it is like an electrical jolt wave that starts in brain, then goes thru entire body. it is impossible to sleep with those brain rushes. they used to come every two to thrree minutes, but now thy are coming every 20-30 seconds, if i lie down. they come every couple of minutes, and not so intense sitting up. so i will see if i can sleep in recliner.
have to sleep. must go to dr. tomorrow and i have to be alert so that the goddamned blond hair, blue eyed Nazis don't destroy my brain even more. i know what is wrong. my brain is swollen, and it is strangling my brain stem which makes it hard to, well, do anything. it is also putting pressure on hypothalamus, and i am overheating. it is about 62 degrees in my house (I have an ancient furnace with no thermostat, so i mostly use a space heater, except in the mornings to warm up the place, or if it is really cold), but i am so hot that i had to tear off my sweatshirt. i literally am breaking out in forehead and facial seat, but i am not feverish. so body thermostat must be wrong.
i am feeling a lil better--able to open eyes, and write this post, but i know that my brain is in danger zone. eyesight, too. seeing sparks flash when my eyes are closed and am having weird visual field things happen. i am too dizzy and nauseated to move my head. started last nite when i noticed i couldnt move my head without vertigo. i have had vertigo caused by inner ear before. this is caused by brain stem problem. my head feels both light and heavy at same time.
i know there is nothing to do for swollen brain, but induce coma. neecless to say, i am scared to death of that. but i am too sick to even move in current state. eyes wont open, brain wont think, cant walk, sit or stand--just long for the oblivion of sleep. but i have to seek medicla treatment. i am way too sick to deal with this. dont know how i am going to sleep. took two vicodin already--not doing a damned thing to stop brain rushes--vicodin has always been the only thing that stopped brain rushes--that and heavy alcohol. just deal with it best i can..