More of the same shit

More of the same shit--barely able to function. Eating makes me sick, but i cant tell if the goddamned religious zealot Sirians are still tampering with my food--both at the grocery, and at my home, while I am not here, or if I don't have enough testosterone to digest my food. once again, i m bumping into walls. any kind of testosterone would be so welcome, byut I am constantly stalked, and so low energy that i dont have the initiative to go anywhere or attempt to get anything that might help. just sick of throwing good money after tainted products. think i just need to get into the psychological fetal postition again--recognizing that i cannot win or heal or be productive in this state--only endure at most basic survival level. dont even wish to survive. prefer death to the misery that is my existence right now. to goddamned sick to contiue to keep eyes open.