Practically no life force left in me

Practically no life force left in me, as I unable to drag myself to do even the simplest of tasks. My head says, "do something small", but the body absolutely cannot comply. On top of all that, I am in a lot of pain--not only in shoulders and back, but I never know when a deep, throbbing nerve pain in my groin is going to cause me to nearly pass out in pain, and brea a sweat. I know testosterone would help, but i am sick of spending on money on products, including food, that are tamered with. you know, destroying my body is a hell of a way to get someone to ascend. it wont work--not with me. forget about ascension. i would be grateful if i could just wash dishes. only good thing is Christmas is all done for me. i should make a ocuple of phone calls to fam--maybe when i feel better. i put lights and a colored bauble wreath on my window, and I like to look at when i am sick. of course, my neighbor across the way hung their lights in two flashing V signs for amon-ra, but i don't care. To me, Christmas is a good holiday, and if the satanists want to make it about an Illuminati and satanic festival of lights, well that is just another perverted twist of which they are masters. I think it is good that the season motivates people to get out of themselves and think of othersutwhen the weather is so inhospitable, that the natural inclination is just to burrow under blankets. having said that, there is not much i can do but burrow under blankets, but still heart knows what it wants.