severely sick and suffering

severely sick and suffering--finally looked at self in mirror, saw how bizaree i look--no wonder the KaBalist didnt want me to visit myh mother--she wouldn't recognize the freak that I have become. i can tell by my temple gray how much my forehead keeps being raised. dont know if that is what is making me so sick. dont care. would rather die than ever give in to the goddamened MACHINE. I see pope on top of drudge report. the goddamned catholic KaBalists (the ones who say Lord, Lord, but really have nothing but contempt for religion of any kind), probably want to get another patsy in place, since ratziger is fully controlled. The MACHINE is everywhere. I try not to get overwhelmed, but stories of ITS presence are everywhere, from the Penn State QB who suffered a seizure (my God, I think that town is overrun by satanists--I worry that there are not going to be 12 jurors that the Sandusky prosecution can trust. I think even McCready (?) may be on the fringes of the occult--just a little more decent about drawing the line at sodomizing young boys. Of course, the movies are big at this time of year, and the occult is heavily represented there, too. Jordan Maxwell does a good job of explaining the movie industry as wizards whose purpose is to cast a spell on us--very little gets financed unless it correlates to and acquiesces to the machine's agenda. Steven Spielberg is very involved in satanic occult and pedophilia and George Lucas, probably marginally so (and maybe deeper than i am willing to concede right now--but I don't have time to go digging deep), but then where does the list stop? Stanley Kubrick for sure (RIP, murdered for exposing too much), James Cameron? The whole thing with Natalie Wood--it wasn't Robert Wagner who killed her, though he may have done so inadvertently. S\However, she had a wild, experimental streak and got involved with occult types--marrying one--a "Gregson", and starring in a movie with another occult heavy, Christopher Walken, before her death. Just the fact that Wagner's career died after the incident tells me that he was innocent of wrongdoing--he was probably trying to protect his wife. Of course, i have got some substance to back up these allegations, but i am too sick to write it out here. I used to enjoy talking to Dale, when I was too sick to write things out, but i haven't felt like i was connecting with a real person in a while. it became more draining to make the trip and talk to her than not. It was interesting though that "she" became so offended when i talked to her about being given HIV. Now, i could be wrong--i am much too sick right now, to trust my intuition. However, I dreamed that i had HIV twice. So, why would the KaBal care whether or not i have HIV? Well, I have a theory. I think the goddamned religious KaBalists messed with the timeline when they interfered with my relationship with Augusta. Not only I was powerfully in love with her, i was satisfied that should I become infected with HIV, it was God's will. By throwing me in jail and forbidding me to relate to her, this faction of dog Sirians actively tampered with the timeline, which they then tried to "fix" by giving me the virus by and injection when i went to the doctor. PFFFTTTT!--Pieces of shit--it wasn't just the goddamned virus you changed--it was the whole relationship thing. I guess I should thank the bastards--otherwise i would be laden with even more guilt regarding my sexuality. as it is, as much as I have suffered, I know that if I ever am to be fully functional and creative, i need a significant other. But anyway, why would they try to cover up their little lie about the HIV? Because insofar as there is some "Galatic Federation" in the cosmic sky, they monitor the rules for such infractions, and whether true or not, that is what they threw at Salusa, which ended up with him being ostracized. However, the dog Sirians are equally as guilty. Aaah well, from what I can tell, there is no more justice in the higher consciousness realms than there is in ours, but by God, I will NOT be party to injustice and lies. Anyway, after taking 2 tramadol, fiornal, fernegan, and vicodin, i got enough energy to write this post. going to lay down and hope I wake up in the morning, but if i dont, i dont care.