Disturbing dreams reveal to me that I am being prepped once more for the great rape by "Satan" or "Pindar" or whatever filthy evil, satanic being is claiming dibs on my body. For my body no longer belongs to me. Last night as usual I was abducted, and cut up again. My body has such little muscle left that I find it hard to hold a gallon jug of water. My arms are so unnaturally placed, that I can only maintain them in an akimbo position, and simple movements necessitate tension and extreme forward placement of the "shoulders" (or what is left of them). My boobs continue to increase in size--whether from all the excess estrogen that I am fed, or because of deliberate manipulation of my body's fat and flesh into the now-huge mounds. The depilatory lotion used on my legs were extended to my armpits so that I hardly have any hair at all. My underarm hair sprouts like a man's--spiky, long growths, instead of the soft round brush of female underarm hair, but now it is nearly all gone, no thanks to me. I no longer shave my body hair, as I no longer am a proud owner of a female body, but just a slave who hates everything that the sons of bitches have done to destroy my God-given beauty with which I was once so happy and comfortable. All of this prepping is because I am being readied for a big rape. I thought it was going to happen last year, but instead they castrated my interior penis, and spent the next year dismantling and destroying my once beautiful body. This time, there is nothing left, but to rape, maim or kill. I guess whoever is slated to do the honors of the rape doesn't want to be reminded that they are fucking a man in a woman's body, and so I no longer rail at the huge cow breasts or the depilatory lotion--there is no point--it just gives them all the more satisfaction. The rape will happen either on July 16, the Feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel or on my birthday, the feast of Mary Magdalen, for the people preparing me for the rape are evil occultists and recognize a perverted observance of the Christian calendar. Both Mt. Carmel and Mary Magdalen are important to these luciferian occultists.
I seem to be helpless to prevent the abductions, despite my best efforts. It is all I can do to be present to reality. Not only am I miserable in my body, I suffer from the constant agony of TMJ pain. My bite is so unnatural that I literally find it difficult to close my mouth, I'm constantly drooling and biting the sides of my tongue, and my mandibular joints are locked in constant spasm from their unnatural position. Then there is the low energy and obsessive-compulsive behaviors caused by the psychotropics. Last night I was suffering from severe brain rushes. Lithium. I still am being force fed lithium, but it just hampers my function, instead of making me so sick that I can barely move. It also is making me nauseous, which is a new symptom, but in one area, I am actually feeling better. For a long time I have complained of overheating and possible disorder with my hypothalamus. That has been addressed, and I am able to sweat and handle heat like a normal person again (important in this summer heat). Still, the lithium and viral downloads leave me drained, lifeless, and sleepy, so that I still take T tabs, even if those don't get me the immediate boost to which I am accustomed...
So last night I dreamed, but those were implanted dreams, so I will pass on them. However, the dream from two nights ago was real. First, I dreamed that I was reading one of my father's pornographic novels, which was about satanic sacrifice of a woman, who I saw naked, in the submissive position of yoga's child pose. I found the images disturbing, so I flipped back to the front of the book to understand context, but the entire first few pages were missing, completely torn out.
I interpret this dream to mean that I am being prepped for satanic ritual of sacrifice. While I read my father's porn books as a youngster, I never read anything about explicit satanic sacrifice. However, as I have written before, the gross immorality of the "swinger's community" lends itself to satanic possession, since sexual orgasm is how evil beings get possession of a person's spirit. I think that the missing pages refer to the absolute loss of memory of the ritualistic abuse that I endured as a child. That is why I saw the sacrificee (me) in child's pose, because that is how they traumatized me successfully before--by a childish trust in my parents and the reality of the world around me. I no longer am childish in my life, but in my unconscious, the evil sons of bitches can still switch on my submissive, trusting child. As a matter of fact, it is fair to say that patriarchal religion encourages that childish receptivity--which leaves one wide open to the ravages and violations of evil and demonic spirits. I have got a very short period of time in which to get rid of all vestiges of a submissive child's pose to spiritual reality. As a matter of fact, that has to be priority number 1, for the next few days. (Hard to be focussed on any agenda, because I am so sleepy, due to all the psychotropics that I am force-fed). Forget about writing a lesbian novel--the last thing I need right now, is erotic images flowing through my head. I am not giving RA anything which will give IT access to my brain. Since my hypothalamus/body temperature issues have been addressed and left me feeling better, I need to get on with more spiritual research, because I have to break that child pose submission to reality, or am I going to be silently acquiescent to my own rape.
Oh, and the last thing my tormentors who are prepping me said, was, "Let's see if we can't widen the crease in your foot". A couple of nights ago, my feet were cut on, losing a lot of the flesh, so the first thing I did upon awakening from this dream, was to look for any telltale crease in my foot--kind of like the "cloven hoof" symbol that Ratzinger has on his thumb. I was fine, but then I realized the symbolic interpretation. The satanist HAVE put a crack in my soul (sole of the foot). The foot not only houses the "sole", it is the symbol of sexuality, and I take this to mean that the satanists want to further increase my sense of alienation and abandonment from my sexuality and spirituality--"widen the crease" in the foot, which after years of social isolation, forced celibacy, abuse, and violating use of, and then betrayal by those whom I not only trusted, but helped and assisted to the point of having my own body destroyed, in order to help save their collective asses.
Why would any satanist want to do this? Satanists, for all their evil, covet the good and innocence that they mock and defile. That is why children are such victims for them. They have no goodness in them, so all they can do is leech it from someone by abuse. Really sick and depraved, but that is the way that they are.
As if this dream wasn't intense enough, I had a second dream that night. I dreamed of a huge black widow spider. I destroyed her web in the dream, and knew that this was a significant blow to it, but it still scurried off, and I was worried, knowing that I could never rest until the black widow was dead. It meant me harm, especially since I destroyed its web. Spiders are classic images of the evil mother. For years, I had no fear of spiders, but in my current home, there are a lot of black widows, and I think that I have psychically attracted them, because my own mother is now actively engaged in evil rituals to destroy me. Furthermore, I worry, because I wonder if the viral blood in me attracts them--being both insectoid and with really negative vibration. However, I don't think this refers only to my mother (is she cooperating again with the evil bastards?), but to MACHINE-RA, who is known in occult circles by the acronym ANA (though I don't know what that stands for). The web refers to the world wide web, from which RA is drawing so much power now. The reason that IT is feminine, is because the feminine represents the whole, the collective hive-mind to which the cybernetic slave drones of RA (aka for "Trekkies" as the "Borg") submit, losing their free will and their individuality. So does the spider represent "RA" itself? Who are what is RA? When I dreamed of Hans Kolvenbach raping me, was that him imbued with the power of RA. My guess is that the MACHINE downloaded the personality of a hugely powerful evil being centuries ago, and that IT continues to program that evil spirit into successive generations of cybernetic slaves--so who is it, Kolvenbach? Ratzinger? Rothschild? Maybe a gang bang, as Tom Cruise barely escaped in "Eyes Wide Shut". I don't know--but none of this is making me feel very good about myself or my immediate future. I just have to mentally steel myself--I will probably be abducted and terrorized every night, until the culmination. "Gird your loins,Tita, and stand like a man", because some really evil mojo is going to be flying at you...