I MEAN "NO" WHEN I SAY NO-- a message that falls on deaf ears of patriarchal men who think they own women. Certainly they have enslaved me with their goddamned drugs and heavy metals. After a horrendous night, I got up early and went looking for fish oil--yep, it has been HEAVILY (as in drive me out of my mind crazy) contaminated with heavy metals. On top of that, I am on some kind of psychotropic drug that has me, alternately ravenously starving, and then nauseus. What I am too sick to do, is any kind of exercise--even a little bit, is just too much for my poor fucked up brain and destroyed body. I cannot remember the last time I was able to do anything that gives me joy. Because I will never be able to exercise again in this destroyed body, or be able to play my fave musical instrument with these unnaturally bound arms, the only thing I can think of giving me pleasure and enjoyment is being intimate with another woman. But of course, the patriarchs will never accept that from me. They believe if they shove enough estrogen down my throat, I will be their fucking fantasy of the perfect female. Well, I have got so much fucking estrogen in me that I want to throttle the son of a bitch psych who is force feeding it to me. As if it wasn't hell enough to be in this fucked up mutilated, freakish, fat body, I have TO FEEL THE GODDAMNED FAT AND BOOBS--which is enough to make me never want to be around another deaf, abusive male as long as I live!
I am too sick to do any research, but that is okay. I don't want to know what is going on. It just makes provides another asset for my slavemaster to exploit, and I am sick and tired of being exploited.
I would feel better if i took some testosterone, but I am running low, and I know that every bottle of the brand that helps me, has been poisoned with the same heavy metals that is poisoning and sickening me now. So even though it is only six, I am going to lay down and go to bed. Fucked up day. So what? Fucked up week, month, year, decade...this shit has been going on for so long that I would rather be dead than wake up another day with theise goddamned implants, drugs, evil aliens, and patriarchal men refusing me the dignity and choice of a free person.