I have been nearly wiped out the past couple of days by excessive estrogen and psychotropics. As a matter of fact, I spent nearly all day sleeping yesterday, just so the negative Sirians could wake me up this morning with a huge estrogen/testosterone blast, hoping to wire me into the MACHINE, or get reptilian invaded. Funny thing is that, now that my brain is not literally starving all the time, I handled the blast much better than is customary. I knew what was happening, and was angry, because of both the nature and pain of the download, but I wasn't going out of my mind with psychotic pain, needing to swallow anything that would shut down my CNS instantly. I just cursed them and tried (unsuccessfully) to go back to sleep. Yesterday was an incredibly hellish day. I woke up starving for protein, but severely nauseated at the same time. So I went for breakfast take out at McDonald's, wanting bland scrambled eggs and sausage (I had food at home, but nothing that I thought my stomach could take, and besides I was too sick to cook). Well, going out to breakfast was a big mistake. I learned years ago, to quit patronizing sit down restaurants, because the food would always come to me adulterated with the heavy metal frequency poisoning, and leave me sick. Well, now I can add McDonald's to the list. I came home to eat, and the food made me very sick with the same heavy metal poisoning from which I have suffered from years. I saw some White, short psychic male with dark glasses who rapidly disappeared after I spotted him, but I wasn't paranoid enough. The last time I ordered takeout breakfast from McD's was in February. I remember, because that was when that stargate opened over Russia, and I was walking around with a "red dragon with horns" aura! Of course, it took me a while to figure it out, and a Mormon psychic (a variant of freemason F2), gave it all away when he saw me. At least he didn't have my food poisoned. On top of all the heavy metal poisoning that I am enduring, I am having difficulty digesting my food. I think my thyroid meds have been pulled, and the stomach is going through a rough transition period. At least now, I am able to digest, if only slowly and with bland food. Sigh. I don't care for bland food at all!
So after spending all day in bed, I was determined to do some kind of physical activity. The weather was nice so I went for a bike ride. Now keep in mind that I am the slowest bike rider in the world, and children and old ladies pass me, as I try to keep the legs churning, but today was even a struggle by my normal, pathetic standard. I knew that I had way too much estrogen in me, and I took 3 caps before I left. It wasn't enough. I know when I have too much estrogen--not only do I become very low energy, I also become angry and even anti-social. I wonder how many angry and anti-social autistic males are suffering from estrogen poisoning? Certainly, I was, and it didn't help when I saw some white bearded occult psych giving me the ole familiar patriarchal smug and proud makeover, "oh yes, female, you belong to me". A more poetic description from a patriarch, Bernard of Clairveau puts it best, " there is an inner Eve in the soul, who lies there paralyzed and grievously tormented". And yeh, sadly enough, there are patriarchal males who get off by feeding off of such torment. Such was white-beard psych. I wanted to cuss him out roundly. No need to be a coward, asshole. Ask me what I think of you and your ilk, who destroyed my body to feed your perverted patriarchal fantasy. Do I like it? HELL NO!! I hate my body the way that you have mutilated it. I hate the low energy and passivity that all the excess estrogen causes me. I hate the autism that you have bestowed upon me. And most of all, I hate the way you see me. It is not me at all, but this same old shit has been going on for years now, and you keep believing your lies, and forcing them upon me. There is not much I can do about it.
by the time, I got home, my brain was lapsing into semi-psychotic shutdown from lack of testosterone. I had to take four tabs more immediately. They didn't give me any kind of a big boost. They just let me open my eyes, and walk without careening into walls, off-balance, like a drunkard. With this kind of an energy drain, I am not able to do anything much. I realized today that I haven't been able to think or write in a creative way, because my brain has too much estrogen to do the kind of creative and proactive thinking and linking that it needs to do, in order to make connections. There are ideas--about Norway, the Osiris/Isis myth, and other things going around in my head, but I don't have the energy or the mental stamina to pursue them to fruition. It is as I have said before, unless I can be returned to my hermaphroditic state with a juvenile metabolism, I WILL HAVE to become hormonally masculinized into adult manhood. For my brain cannot be fruitful or productive without the requisite testosterone (and no, you stupid fucks, force feeding me huge amounts of estrogen to offset the testosterone doesn't work. It literally poisons me!).
Of course, I have only been right EVERY SINGLE TIME, barely managing to save my life while you in your STUPIDITY, continue to try to kill me in your desire to control and own me. I don't care any more. I can't stop you. So I am just going to live a very handicapped and limited life--spend my days sleeping and watching tv.