Wednesday, July 6, 2011


LIBERATION--yes, for me, anger is always the breakthrough moment, and it really pissses me off when dumbass patriarchal males and females will talk about how anger is not "feminine". True, I am not feminine, but only psychologically whole and empowered females can express anger, and I tend to stuff mine down with a bunch of psychological and spiritual blather and bullshit. But you see, that is one thing that the goddamned lithium does--it makes me rage. Do you think I am lying? Go back and read the posts that I have written conscientiously for the last four or five years. Even when I am so fucked up I am nearly nonfunctioning, I could feel, and I wrote, about the mood swings and rage that the lithium caused. Well, guess what, you fuckers, someone (and it was probably my own self in my unconscious state, or perhaps some great-hearted medical professional picked up on the copious clues that I have been dropping for years), I may be in better condition because of the metabolic/hypothalmic treatment, but I still feel the side effects of the lithium. First of all and very distresing, especially now, is the weight gain, then there is the nausea and the headaches that accompany it, and now that it is bedtime there is brain rushes and electrical jolts that will keep me up all night until I take full dosages of vicodin and hefty swigs of vodka to kill the hypersensitive nervous system. Then, there is the obsessive compulsive desire to just play solitaire--not even a very interesting game, but the brain isn't very interesting when on lithium. Then there is the negative energy that leaves me struggling to be productive, to do things. Best of all is the anger and rage. Oh yeah, you abusive satanic sirian and Jesuit pigs--keep the lithium coming, so I can stay angry enough to never let myself be abused by you patriarchal sons of bitches ever again. time for bed and vicodin. still early for me, but I am too low energy and unfocussed to do any work of any productive nature. Some day, I will be free, even if only in the next lifetime. In the meantime, the lithium will keep me enraged at the pricks and Dog Dung Dougs of the world who have destroyed my body and made my life a LIVING HELL. May you all know a taste, just a taste of the suffering that you have put me through....

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