Wednesday, July 20, 2011

This place finally got some rain.

We finally got some rain. Nice, gentle, soft rain that can more easily penetrate our drought-dry, parched earth. Feels so good, I had to do one walk up the alley and back in it, which is pretty amazing considering how severely strained and rigidly locked my entire back is now. I can not even do the simple exercises the physical therapist gave me--not even a cat/cow or modified child's pose. Nor can I lift my arms to stretch out my shoulders. My back is so completely out of whack it hurts to even lift or move my arms. Typical negative Sirian and Christofascist/Jesuit stupidity. If something doesn't work, just cut it out. So they cut out my lower back muscles, and now my entire back is severely strained and in pain.

That same obstinate stupidity led them to cause years of suffering and misdiagnosis, with my idiosyncratic response to the virus. I told them for years that I was autistic, but they wouldn't believe me. Even once they knew, they never allowed me to get the specialist treatment I needed. For my mind is working so much better now that I am on some kind of enzyme. I can tell. My brain is just able to retain facts and emotionally I am so much more able to patiently relate to others.


Of course, there are problems. I am having digestive and elimination issues. Part of the problem may be that I am just not used to having food or waste stay in my body for any amount of time. However, I had to take three HCL Betaine capsules to eat, and I really needed them. Even now, a couple of hours later, the same pork and green chili stew that I could eat just fine yesterday, is now sitting like a rock in my gut. If my thyroid meds were pulled, then that could be a reason for the serious digestive issues, but the DOM who helped me out so much before the PIB's got involved, told me that I needed bile and lipase supplementation, and that was separate from thyroid medication issues. I have had a problem with low HCL in my gut for a long time. I just went shopping today, and missed the opportunity to get something, but I am going to have to do so tomorrow.

Part of the digestive problem may also be my low testosterone. For the past few days, I have been so low-T, that eating, even the most moderate amounts of food, makes me sleepy. I have learned over the past few months that popping T-tabs before eating enables me to digest my food so much better. I am really struggling with all the estrogen I am being force fed. I took 11 T-tabs yesterday (4 is the recommended dosage for a male), and I have taken 5 today. My back is in too bad of a shape to do any exercise whatsoever, but the energy drain is really taking a toll on me.


However, despite my suffering, the feeling of being sick and miserable, and finding life barely tolerable, of the last several years is gone. I just want to lay down and sleep. I keep getting abducted. I don't know why I cannot stop it, but it is all good. I will never cooperated with those satanic spawn, and I think, now that they have run out of all the lies they feed themselves ("oh she is mentally ill, oh she hates men, oh she has anger issues" ect), they are no longer able to evade that truth. Don't know how much longer this shit will play out, but I am okay, meaning I FEEL free, even though the body is still enslaved.

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