More musings on losing my temper yesterday--well, first of all, there is nothing to apologize for. I have been so grossly and grievously abused by the psychics that identify with the Salusa faction that I could NEVER even begin to approach the abuse that those sons of bitches have done to me. Maybe cutting off their penises, or a set of ribs, or over half of their muscle, and seeing how that makes THEM feel, would begin to approximate it. Such a grievous mutilation of a person's body is so egregiously violating and brutally dehumanizing that I would never do it. So I guess that I am just stuck writing these posts--AND with every breath I take, asking God for the resolve to destroy these evil aliens and their psychic lieutenants. I saw where a 7 year old dream not to go on board an alien ship because of the evil done to humans there. I wish that I had the wisdom of the 7 year old. However, something karmic has made me vulnerable to abduction by these evil monsters from hell. Probably, I was involved in occultic activities at some point in the past, and so I am unconsciously helpless to prevent the horrific abuse that I endure at the hands of these negative Sirians.
However, I think that on the level of will, my resolve to resist these satanic spawn is getting stronger. I could be wrong, but I think my refusal to accept Dog Dung Doug's abuse and contempt, came after I decided to quit adopting the yogic child's pose, in relation to reality. In retrospect, I handled the situation perfectly. Yes emotionally, I still wish that I had given Dog Dung Doug just a piece of the physical trauma I have endured--a cheap shot to the nuts would have given me the greatest satisfaction. Maybe then he would develop a little bit of empathy for what I have endured for over a year--repeated assaults to not only my manhood, but my personhood, my sexuality, and my entire body. However, as soon as I recognized that my psychic recognition of his lies, homophobia, and laughing contempt of me had led to instant assaultive escalation, I knew that I had to just leave. I rarely get that mad, but when I do, I know I just have to exit the scene and cool down. Assaulting him would have been a lose/lose situation for me. He was muscular and fit, and probably would best me in a physical altercation (but never count me it out--I KNOW how to fight, but I am a much better fighter in self defense than in angry aggression. In the former instance, my mind goes really cool and clear, and I am able to rationally and intuitively move; in the latter, emotions are driving me, and I lose the clear head and ability to rapidly think, which is absolutely essential in order to successfully resist a stronger opponent. However, even if I had gotten the satisfaction of a physical attack, I would have then had to deal with law enforcement. I have spent a couple of thousand dollars and a lot of time staying out of jail, since my 6 month incarceration. Some of the negative cabal that dogs me went through a lot of trouble to frame me on lying charges of contacting Augusta. They really wanted me behind bars again! It would be totally dumb to assist them in any way. So overall, despite my frustration and rage at the ongoing abuse that I endure (and yes, constant psychic probing of my mind counts as abuse--there are only three classes of people who I grant permission to read my mind--people I know and who relate and talk to me, my children--even if I don't know them, and patriotic psychics in the service to protect this country--all of it, not just their own private agenda. All of the rest are voyeuristic perverts at best, and agents of evil at worst).
So I am glad that I did the right thing, and just turned on my heels and walked out. Having the moral superiority in the altercation strengthens my resolve to proactively profile would be psychics, and completely close off all emotional and mental responses in their presence. I am not going to prevent them from reading my mind, but I know now that those pervs are not only creepy, but they are the enemy, and I intend to treat them as such. Did it give me enough strength to resist further abduction? Well, we will see. I wasn't abducted last night ( I couldn't sleep). I have been pounded with psychotropics all day--so much so that I have spent nearly all day sleeping. When I woke up about 10 pm, my tongue was once again coated with the white furry coat that I think is caused by estrogen blasts. It is the estrogen that is making me so uncomfortable in my body, so that I literally hate it. I know this is true, but even though I am always right, I never get any respect, so I imagine the psychotropics and estrogen will continue. I just have to deal with it. If my freakish bodily mutilations were not enough, I continue to be plagued with serious TMJ pain, shoulder pain (I literally cannot sleep on my side, because the goddamned Sirians fucked up my shoulder so bad), and debilitating knee pain. By far though, the worst of it, is just being so uncomfortable in my own body. All I can do is try to get in my mind, so I don't have to be aware of it.
As miserable as I am, I have fought the good fight and done the right thing at each step of the way. The incident yesterday had another profound liberating effect. I am whole now. You see, years ago, when the Jesuits/Nazis first started harassing and abusing me, I had a series of dreams about Nazis and escaping from Nazis. Of course, at the time I thought the Nazis in my dreams were metaphorical; now I know that they were and are, literal. In one dream, I dreamed that I had led a whole group of people successfully out of Nazi territority. There were about 7-12 of us, male and female, all colors and races--it seemed to represent an archetypal spectrum of humanity. I came up with the idea that we would all hold hands and pretend to be tourists, until we cleared the Nazi town. I always laugh at the memory of that dream, because the Black man and White man, were disgusted at the thought of holding hands. They told me, "everybody will think we're gay". I told them they could deal with homophobes or Nazis. They held hands and went along. However at the end of the trip, just as we had cleared the Nazi stronghold, I realized that I had left someone behind--it was the Asian woman, and I knew in my dream that it was unacceptable for someone to be left behind, and that I had to go back and get her. Well, it took me years, but I finally think that I got the Asian woman back from the Nazi garrison, safe and sound.
I think that dream represented all different aspects of myself, and that the Asian female not only represented the wise, spiritual side of me, but the SUBMISSIVE spiritual, feminine side of me. Despite patriarchal handicaps, both White and Black women have a notable history of strong female spiritual personages. Maybe from another lifetime (remember that the first alien in 3D reality that I ever encountered gave me some kind of Tibetan spiritual test, and many of the Aryan aliens are very allied with the Tibetans), I am carrying negative karma. Probably, I was a misogynistic patriarchal (Asian or Tibetan) man, and this is why I have been so successfully abused by Asian men, even though I have had only fleeting encounters with them. That archetype or that karma is in bondage to the notion that the (Asian) feminine is completely submissive to the (Asian) masculine. WELL, NO FUCKING MORE! I really believe that, in the encounter with Dog Dung Doug, that I went back and got the Asian woman left behind, and hopefully all of my personality aspects and karmas, can now knit together and fight as a whole against the evil Nazis. Not today, though. Too drugged. Too much pain.