Friday, February 11, 2011

Atrocities continue

Atrocities continue, but I woke up this morning, realizing that I don't care anymore. I recognize my loss, still cry about it, but I refuse to give the satanist/luciferian sons of bitches the satisfaction of grieving over it. There is nothing I can do about it--I am a slave, and the motherfucking pigs can cut on my body at will, so I have no alternative but to accept that fact, and work on maintaining the elements of my life that I can control--my mind to some extent, my free will to a larger extent, and my soul to the ultimate extent. They can try and try, but I don't think they can get my soul. I am reminded of reading of how Jacob Rothscild, after he ordered Diana Spencer's murder, was present at the French tunnel in which she died, trying to inhale her soul from her dying breath. It don't work like that Jake, and what a pathetic commentary on your own life, that you are not happy with your own soul, but want to steal the soul of another! With God's grace, I think I can protect my soul. My free will has been severely compromised, so that my world is very, very small, as I am not allowed contact with anyone, except in proscribed settings. But as of right now, I am not in jail or a mental hospital, where the satanists/luciferians have thrown me before, so I am grateful for that. I can choose what to do with my time, and reading efforts, even though often I am so sick that my free will, indeed, has been handicapped. My mind suffers to an even greater extent, from the constant drugging, implants, and artifically fed sex hormones of excessive estrogen, used to chemically castrate me. I have reread the last few entries of my blog, and can tell how negatively the chemical castration impacts me. Not only am I not capable of my usual concentration, but I have lost my dual track mind. Normally, I can multitask easily, for instance, listenting to music with one part of my brain while reading or writing with another. It is a gift I acquired through the development of a contemplative mind. The implants undermine my contemplative mind, so that I can no longer concentrate on multiple tasks at once. Practically speaking, I have lost my ability to editoralize my writing with one part of my mind while crafting my writing with another part of my mind. This loss infuriates me to no end, as I am not a good editor of my writing, never really having acquired the skill, since I never used to need it. I am frustrated with the quality of my writing, especially because I have been struggling to editorialize grammar and sentence structure but it doesn't show, except in the last post. That was an interesting entry--I was so drugged and mind-fogged, that I popped three testosterone tablets before writing, and felt better almost instantly. This supports my assertion that I am being force fed estrogen and progesterone, while, what my body and brain really needs and craves, to function well, is the hormone testosterone. There is no point in me trying to take it--not only is it prohibitively expensive, but I am not going to push back against the satanists--they will just increase the estrogen in my body. I just know what I need to be healthy, and now you dear reader, know too.

Before continuing, let me document what has occurred in the last few days. First of all, there has been further alterations done to my cranium, leaving behind a bulging forehead above the bridge of my nose, perpetual swollenness behind my eyes, and the hooded eyelids that are a dead giveaway that one is a DNA-altered reptilian human hybrid. I also have had my ear canals literally lengthened, from which drainage constantly pours out. I would post a picture of myself as a mutilated alien job, but the truth is that I am so depressed about my looks since all this shit began, I cannot bear to. If you need some help imagining what an altered cranium/forehead looks like, check this out:
http://www.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/forum.cgi?read=195573


Last night, I was cut on again, with the sirian/jesuits/luciferians cutting out more back muscle. Of course, I knew it as soon as I woke up, and sure enough, when I checked by removing my shirt, there were the telltale signs of the new roll of fat, where there had once been muscle. I am resigned to the fact that the fucking pigs will cut on me, at will, but what is distressing is the deleterious effect it is now having on my health. As I write this I am in back pain, and I am sure that a big part of it is that I no longer have the musculature in my torso to support the 220 pounds that I now carry, thanks to the years of pharmaceutical abuse and all the heavy fluid that the viral implants carry. Do not underestimate how much weight in fluid that I am carrying around. Once again, I am looking at the seams running down my legs as the virus ebbs out. I literally can no longer stand on my own two legs (not to mention the problems that I have with walking), and again, I am certain that is because of all the muscle loss in my legs. It is incredibly depressing to stand up, and literally feel the weakness in my legs, where there once was strength and solidity. My knees are especially vulnerable, and I am afraid that they are going to go out on me. Again, the bottom line is that I no longer have the musculature to carry 220 pounds. Despite all the muscle I have lost, the PIB's replace it with ever increasing amounts of viral fluid.

I have said it before, as I have said it hundreds of times--the viral implants make me desperately ill--severely autistic and barely able to function in reality. The sad thing is that there are psychics who are tuned into the collective consciousnessness, not by love, or mysticism, but by the GODDAMNED ALIEN VIRUS, who think that this is some kind of desirable, more connecting, and superior state to be in. Wrong. Total bullshit. I had access to the collective consciousness years before the goddamned virus impacted my ability to function in the world and relate to others. The virus might make my mind more open and susceptible to remote viewing, but it makes me so emotionally alienated and deadened from immediate reality as to be worthless, less than worthless, for it also makes me sick. I do know one thing however. The only superior and mystical state worth being in, is one in which the individual is even more aware of, connected to, and able to appreciate the world around them. The viral, ersatz, psychic state does the complete opposite for me. As I keep saying over and over, true mysticism and true spirituality makes you better and bigger and more functional both in yourself and in your relationship to others and the world, not sicker and smaller and more dsysfunctional. These viral infected psychics might think that they are in a different dimension, one of greater love and ascension, but they are wrong. Of course, I allow for the possiblity that one CAN love and be in the ersatz psychic world, and while I suspect that to be true of a few--by their fruits you will know them--I can honestly say, personally, I haven't encountered any in my life. Love gives you emotional joy and animation, a proactive response and connection to what is outside of yourself, not some impassive, aloof, psychically probing of another's mind, while you sit in judgment, on whether or not the recipient is included in your "psychic club." I will be the first to admit that right now, I find it difficult myself to engage in proactive love or charity, but again, that is because the ersatz, phony state of virus-induced "contemplation" has caused severe autistic alienation within me.

Still, despite all this, I woke up feeling good about myself, spiritually that is, most definitely not physically or emotionally. The reason is, that I now understand the reason for the incredible and excessive suffering that I now endure. The big epiphany occured last night, as I listened to an old country/western song I had not heard in a long time. The song was, "She's a Broken Lady", and the chorus goes, "She's a broken lady, waiting to be mended, like a potter would mend a broken vase...and have what's left of the pieces put back in place." I remember that song very well. As a teenager, listening to it on the radio, I felt it deeply and personally. That song is actually about the shattered world of an innocent woman, after her husband breaks her heart and leaves her for another woman, but it is the chorus that always got my attention (and to be honest the song is nearly all chorus, with one verse). Even as a teen, I felt that I was a broken lady, beset by unsympathetic life circumstances and a dysfunctional family. But all I could do was ENDURE, until the time of my deliverance (college or military service). Running away was the only other option, and I knew that was not a smart option. Of course, the biggest part of my suffering as a teen, was that I refused to accept the socio-cultural and family assigned role of the feminine, as an inferior being, controlled by masculine and patriarchal expectations. I insisted upon a greater fullness of life and being for myself as true, liberated PERSON, and time and life proved me right.

I am in the EXACT SAME SITUATION as when I was a teenager. My father's role has been replaced by the abusive religous celibate pigs, who partner with aliens to keep the world mind-controlled, "small" and unfulfilled by religion. The roles of my classmates have been taken over by patriarchal psychics. Yes, I could enter their "small", unfulfilling world, but only by selling out my own deep, inner truth. That truth is that there is nothing laudable about an exclusionary reality, and it is better to be lonely and unsupported than to participate in such a socio-cultural heresy. True mysticism, true spirituality, true depth of humanity, true "ascension" fosters and welcomes inclusion, not the clubby exclusion so prevalent in our youth--because they are victimized by the same dualistic, hierarchial reality as adults.

When I was a teenager listening to "Broken Lady", I had no idea that my perseverance to self-truth and honesty would be rewarded by a beautiful and rich fulfillment of self-understanding and strong self-esteem. I just knew that I had to be true to myself and the truth as I perceived it, There was no other option. So now, I find myself in the exact same situation, with the benefit of experience that yes, indeed, a broken lady can be mended. No matter what they do to me, no matter how muh I suffer, even unto to maiming or death, I have to endure.

I know the stakes if I fail--further enslavement of humanity through mind-control religion and/or patriarchal duality. I was listening to an esoteric author, Peter Moon, who has been involved with the Aryan-alien agenda at a very deep level. Somehow, (don't ask me), he seems innocently oblivious to the evil implications of that agenda, but still he is aware of the deeper reality of our world as he has been exposed to it through a much greater context. Moon said something that really struck me immediately as being true--that the great lack or faultt in our current universe is the LACK OF THE FEMININE. I know this to be true, not only because secularists such as Jung have said so, but also because it is so obvious to me, that this is what the aliens have been working on to redress. But, because they are mired in evil, they don't get it. Their plan is to nurture, groom, and "create" a feminine avatar for the enslaved masses of the future to worship as an IDOL. That is why I suffer so much--I am their choice for such an avatar. All they can do is evilly (and pathetically) mimic God, because they refuse to bow down to and worship the living and true Creator. But such a regard for the feminine is evil, idolatrous, and utimately, for those who would worship it, dehumanizing. The point is not to have a feminine divine being, but to recognize, affirm and celebrate the divine in all female beings, which right now, is most definitely not happening in the world. What good does it do to "create" me as female avatar, by destroying my God-given body, and turning it into a fat matriarchal figurine with round belly and enormous thighs, while you do not respect the feminine as it is embodied in my intersexed being? A true respect and regard for the feminine being would honor and appreciate its strength and wholeness, not mutilate and weaken it to the point of pain-wracked immobility.

Neither will the same old, benevolent patriarchal patronizing work. This is the mistake that patriarchal men of good will make. Theoretically they are fine with regard for women, but practically they have an immature need to control them psychologically. Rather than maturing psychologically and spiritually into fullness of being, and relating to women as peers and partners, they "control" women, first in their own psyches as anima, and then psychologically by insisting on rigid gender roles. NO WAY! Every human being is called to be an individual, which means that they co-create and affirm their own self-identity. If a woman feels that means she is subjugated to the authority of a male being, that is her choice, and as long as she makes it honestly, and not in conforming blindness, I accept it. But such is not my choice, nor the choice of the women I most admire and respect, the ones who are most creative and fulfilled--in every area of their lives (and LONG experience has taught me that).

No, both the traditional patriarchal way of controlling the feminine and the current alien innovation to create a divine feminine being for idolatrous worship, are a continuation of the deep lack of the universe--the stifling and depreciation of the feminine. I think that if God's original plan would have gone through, and I had been born in a man's body, I still would have insisted upon women's rights and fullness of being (like Rabbi Jesus did centuries earlier, before the mind-control religionists got hold of his earlier legacy, and contorted and perverted it to fit the Mithraic heresy which developed into the hierarchial Vatican). But the evil one attacked me in the womb, and I had to improvise, and I am not sorry that I did cling to life, and ended up in a female embodiment, because now I know, I can feel and suffer, with every cell of my being the horrors of the injustice done to women, as they are refused the right to own their own bodies and their own selves. So, no, I will not participate in any diminshment of the feminine, whether it be by agreeing to be a female idolatrous avatar, or by intimate belonging to a patriarchal community which insists upon traditional patriarchal roles for women (I wonder, would all these remote viewers have violated the privacy of my mind if I were a male, or would they talk to me, relate to me, like a human being? Just wondering....)

Yeah, I am a broken lady all right, but if I break spiritually, the consequences are unimaginably devastating--the universe will continue on its broken way, through devaluation of the feminine, for millenia. Better that I be broken, and pray that God either take me home or one day, put the pieces of my shattered body into some semblance of a vase that I can call my own, with some semblance of pride and self-identity.

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