Working on another line

Working on another line, but once again distracted by the need to assert my self-identity as a LESBIAN. Woke up in tears once again, while the cabal does their little mind control thing and dope me the fuck up, thinking they are going to get control of mind. Woke up feeling like every part of my body was mismatched and out of place and joint, and God has already told me that when the rehab begins, that I am going to suffer months of pain and health problems---and that is just to get a healthy, fit body again, not the strong, muscular body I once was so proud to inhabit. It is clear to me that becoming alienated from my own body is actually a designed tactic by the cabal, so while I will be the first to say that I am very alienated from and disgusted with my body, I am not going to let it play games with my head. I am going crazy because they played with my back and put the goddamned dripping fat boobs in my way for everything, but I purposely don't think about it.

Have to say though, it is bad enough that I suffer mind control games at the hands of the cabal every nitht in my sleep. I don't need anymore from the blissed out, cultic beings whose job it is to monitor me now. You want to help me--relate to me, get me the help out of the trap I am in. But you really don't do you? You want a traditionally feminine (YUCK!), heterosexual for you to fantasize on. Well, it won't happen. I don't have what men want---and yeh, there's no doubt that some of you secretly cheered while my body was systematically castrated, cut up, and destroyed---but it is not the body that is the problem. It is the BRAIN--THE LARGEST SEX ORGAN IN THE BODY. It is the feminine which complements and delights me, which feeds me not only spiritually and emotionally, BUT WHICH ARE THE ONLY ONE I CAN COUNT ON TO PROTECT AND SUPPORT ME, for these last few years. Yes, I have known men who protected and supported me as a peer and colleague, but to be honest, it has been over fifteen years ago. So bring your daddies with the toddlers, eat the bananas, do what the fuck ever you want. I am an intersexed being, a man in a woman's body, and I am desperately lonely to be cared for, caressed, and supported in a way that only a woman can do. What I would like from men is what men are best at--protection and support--but instead I get this bullshit mind games. PFFFFFTTTT. There is a woman in my future--I have been promised it. If my lesbian sexuality bothers you, leave me alone--I'm better off there, than with false, cultic, love-bombing friends. And when it comes to female friends and peers, I like STRONG, LIBERATED, ANDROGYNOUS women---the traditional, sweet, "stay at home and bake cookies" type (and that is for one of my fave strong women and protectors who has proved to me, THROUGH ACTION, that I can count on her support, BORE ME STIFF, both sexually and as acquaintances. I will be the first to admit that sweet cookie bakers are necessary for little kids, but I haven't been a little kid in years, and I left teaching to deal with recalcitrant, violent young men, because I found it more satisfying to break up fights and get spit on and cussed out, than to get hugs and childish appreciation (which are delightful on occasion, but in the end, don't bring out the best and the most in me). So there--now excuse me. I got cookies to bake.