WHORE

WHORE---congratulations you STUPIDASS MOTHERFUCKING SIRIAN/JESUIT PIGS--WHORE--that is how strangers are now mentally tagging me as they assess my freakish, misformed body. The stupidass aliens and jesuits know nothing about American womanhood and culture, or they would have known what they were doing by turning me into such a freakish, fat blob. But all they know of women are the passive victims of their nocturnal rapes and the violations of premenstrual children. The motherfuckers don't get it--that personality goes with body type. Before, people may have thought I was dyke (and they were absolutely right. I AM QUEER THROUGH AND THROUGH YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. DESTROY MY BODY. YOU CAN'T DESTROY MY SOUL WHICH WANTS TO MAKE LOVE TO WOMEN, AND WOMEN ONLY). Now, my assertive presence combined with the freakish, fat blob that is my body means WHORE. They still may think I am lesbian (after all I have no discernible boobs in this body), but gone is the respect that my athletic muscles once gave me. FUCKING GODDAMNED PIGS--YOU DONT GET IT. I AM NOT EVER GOING TO BE THE FUCKING GODDAMNED FEMININE AVATAR YOU ENVISION ME AS, AND IF YOU WERE IN REALITY, INSTEAD OF HIDING YOUR DICKDEAD, MANLESS LIVES BEHIND BLACK ROBES AND CLERICAL COLLARS, YOU WOULD KNOW THIS.

So fucking depressed over my body, and especially after what I just experienced. More than anything else, I want to work out, to try to get some muscle back in my body (I have now lost nearly an entire HALF, HALF, of my musculature), but my legs are so weak, and my knees now so vulnerable from lack of muscle support, that I can't even walk. It is hard to hold myself up on two legs.

The only thing that makes me feel decent is the same solace I found as a teenager--rleading--escape into the mind and imagination, because the moment I realize and feel myself back in this hateful, mutilated body, I am overwhelmed with depression and revulsion. There is not one part of my body that I recognize as belonging to me--not one part.


All the proprietors on Central have one thing right--I AM a whore. My own body doesnt belong to me. I am a sexual and fetish slave of Hans Kolvenbach, his goddamned jesuit buddies, and the sirian aliens who have cut me up so that I am no longer a woman who garners respect from strangers, but only the deepest contempt.


I'mn all fucking drugged--why I had to go out to buy alcohol. I can already tell that this going to be a bad nite for trying to sleep. Fucking doesn't matter. I want to be dead. YOU GOT THAT MOTHERFUCKERS. YOU HAVE SO FUCKED UP MY BODY THAT I WOULD RATHER NOT BE HERE ANYMORE. STUPID FUCKING PIGS--I DESPISE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR.