I hope my readers

I hope my readers can realize the effects of the psychotropics and psychotronic implants on my ability to engage the world through my writing. I know I can. I reread my posts just to see how clear and healthy my mind and writing skills were at the time of the post. It is clear to me after reading yesterday's post what the effects of the satanist/luciferian implants are. Deleterious.

As I keep insisting, and my writing proves, I am being seriously undermined, compromised, and handicapped by the machine, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I am having incredible difficulty thinking rationally. When I am healthy, my writing flows with rapidity and expressiveness, but checked and formed by a strong appreciation for logic and the rational. In short, I am (was) a perfect blend of the feminine (intuitive and freely expressive) and masculine (deliberate, reserved, and insistent upon a cogent and rational presentation). Now both modes of expression are valid, though in a patriarchal culture, the rational prevails. The feminine mode, to an extreme, is hysterical and/or superficially shallow, while the masculine mode to an extreme is sterile and/or pedantically obscurant, and yes, I can list prominent figures whose writings unfortunately fall into one extremist modality or the other, full of charm or big and abstract words, but vacant of significant and effective meaning. My particular gift from God, is the superb and elevated integration of the masculine and feminine, which is reflected in my DNA, WAS reflected in my body, and is tenuously, though losing ground, reflected in my thinking/writing. I KNOW, because I have lived in my body and brain for nearly five decades, that when I am healthy, my writing flows with a vividly expressive ease, AND is rationally and logically structured and segued with minimal effort. Now, however, I find myself constantly struggling to craft my writing rationally and logically, and often find myself making substandard sentences and grammar construction, which I never did as a younger woman. Part of the problem is that I have lost so much of my prior, exceedingly stellar verbal facility, so that now I have to struggle to find the word I want, something that was very rare before the "Great Lithium Fry" of 2004/2005. But, even allowing for that, I can tell that I am losing ground, and having to work harder and harder to present my ideas, unless I do what I did last night, and just write with the simple rapidity of my former, pre-psychotropics and pre-psychotronic years, with no thought to craftsmanship or rational support. As anyone can tell, the two elements of my writing no longer blend together naturally.

I am still going to try to write with rational cogency and persuasion, but I also plan on just "letting it rip" more often. Really, it is not important to me to back my opinionated claims about Tiger Woods or Lady Gaga, unless I were writing a persuasive essay on the pernicious mendacity of popular culture, which believe me, I could do, very well. But I am feeling an urgency to get my message out--of the overwhelming minutia and meticulously planned and executed agenda of the satanist/luciferians, and so I imagine I will be doing more "bullshitting" in the days to come, especially when the brain just cannot keep on track, rationally. (Right now, I feel like I am on "speed." Having snorted crystal meth 3 or 4 times in my younger life, and hating it every single time, I know the scattered, unfocused ADD, and "diarrhea of the mind" that accompanies the speed intoxication).

But never fear, I plan to keep on writing cogent and as rational as possible essays on more serious matters as well, even if I have to fight against the psychotropic/psychotronic (P&P) brain smog as I have to do right now. You see, the luciferians are making inroads on my mind, and so my solitary, unsupported fight becomes more desperate. Last night as I watched "V", the character with whom I really identified, was not the woman fighter, but the terrorist martyr, Eli Cohen. Like him, I have lost everything that is most valuable in my life--my ability to work, to relate, to love someone of my own choosing, to even claim my own queer identity, or for that matter, my own body. After years of being sold out and abandoned by the very people I trusted, and who have no qualms, violating and using me, while never supporting me, I have to assume that life doesn't get any better. But, while I may have nothing to live for, I do have something to die for, and I do not want one other person in the world to go through the hell of being targeted, systematically enslaved, destroyed by the luciferian Borg collectiveas I have. It is not such a radical notion, really. As a matter of fact, it is the course of action chosen, lived, endured, and suffered by the man I worship as "Lord", Jesus Christ. This is the only spiritual discipline and life that I can cling to right now, and has been for a while, but I intend to hold on to it firmly. I also intend to physically exercise as much as I can, and intellectually exercise at all possible times. If I am not engaged in research or cogent and persuasive, expository writing, I will be "bullshitting," for even in my unsubstantiated meanderings, there is truth; I just am too lazy or incapacitated at the time to be more clear and cogent.

It is important that I do this, not only from an urgent need to communicate the truth, which in the past, I could express more clearly, fairly, and diplomatically, but also for my own sanity. For I am losing my battle against the mind control. As I wrote earlier, last night was a hell night--of not only pain, but mind rape. For the last two nights, I have not had any REM sleep. The Borg are deliberately preventing me from REM (or dream) sleep. Or maybe, I am resisting their mind control attempts of my unconscious, and keep waking up. However, I am aware that I am losing psychological integration, and psychological disintegration is how they mind control. My unconscious, or dream state, seems to have lost its "executive officer", me, or as the Jungians would say, my Self. This Self, which is me, is what allows the integration of the unconscious with the conscious, and we all need it. Sleep deprivation does terrible damage to the human psyche and body. I am thinking that the recent lack of integration of my unconscious into my conscious is what is causing the split in my consciousness--specifically, in the weakening of the feminine/masculine meld which is my strength. That may be, but I am committed , no matter what, to the fight against the Borg, and that is primarily through my words, so expect a lot more writing---and a lot more of it disconnected and ad hoc. I will try to work through the P&P brain fog and write rationally, too. This counts as a rational post. Now my brain is fried and tired after two nights of no sleep, and forcing myself to concentrate when I am so drugged and implanted. Time for a break--who knows what I will write when I next sit down. For, like Eli, having decided that I have nothing to live for, I am going to lay it all out, including some stuff, some people ain't gonna like--that's not bullshit--that's color... ;-)