COMPLETELY BRAIN DEAD--and I know why--the military who are the people running the show now have got me so fucked up on excessive estrogen that I cannot concentrate for over 5 minutes at a time.
Yes, they did remove the etheric implant in my right brain--I suspect I was the one who told them how to do, while abducted last night, but even when I was sick with the psuedo brain tumor syndrome, I could concentrate more than I can now. As a matter of fact, I can't follow up on anything. I try to take testosterone, but it just pumps in the viral download and makes me sleepy.
I don't understand what about LESBIANISM, FEMINISM, INTERSEXED beings that these military types don't get. I knock myself out, both consciously and unconsciously, doing my part to help my country and humanity, and all I get in return is just this presumptuous arrogance of ownership or immature infatuations on a "female" WHO DOESN'T EXIST!!! I faked my way through it for years. I lied about it for years. I hate the female body that I currently am in. I want the fucking boobs gone and my muscles back. Most of all, I NEED MY HIGH LEVEL OF TESTOSTERONE IN ORDER TO FUNCTION FULLY. More specifically, I need the high testosterone, corresponding with LOW LEVELS OF ESTROGEN, for high levels of estrogen cancel out the benefits of high testosterone.
Well, clearly that is not going to happen today. I might as well write off the whole fucking day. Yesterday, as sick as I was, I could concentrate on a video series a few minutes at a time, and got through three 10 minute videos; now the estrogen has so destroyed my ability to concentrate and think that I can't even watch the fourth one. I no longer am capable of high performance thought or creative connections. Oh, but I am hormonally feminine now...Well, guess what dumbasses? You can destroy my brain, but you cannot change my emotional nature. Even now, all I want is a lesbian woman to partner with me. Why? Because I don't even my own mind or high performing physical body to distract me from my fucked up, lonely life. Relationship WITH ANOTHER WOMAN is the only creative outlet left to occupy my time...
This day is a waste. Time to go watch tv.