Monday, August 15, 2011

I figured out

I figured out that the reason for this morning's psychosis has something to do with either drugs or implants interfering with my brain's ability to use both hemispheres in perception. I could say that I am SEVERELY autistic--literally overwhelmed by sensory input. So, i started doing little experiments to figure out how bad it is. Typing this little entry is one such experiment. I literally cannot stand to see the letters appear, so I keep shutting my eyes. I also cannot listne to musci. Not only is there no emotional response, I ltierally cannot accomodate listening to it. It is the counterpoint that is bothering me. My brain cannot hold both chords and linear notes at the same time. It doesnt matter if its classical or rock--brain cannot absorb music. Then while playing soliataire (another experiment to see how messed up my brain is), I found out that I could literally see and play better with one eye shut. If i use both eyes, the sensory stimuli is so overwhelming that i cannot process it all. So i have concluded that the aliens have interfered with my brains ability to use both hemisphere, and this has left me severely handicapped. I cannot read, listen to music, feel, or barely function at all. going to be another lost day, but interesting to experience it, as i am sure this is how people in psychotic state experience reality--not quite fully present or real.

Started thinking on the movei, the incredible shrinking man. i saw when i was a kid. poignant movie for kid to watch. that is who i feel like--incredible shrinking man. try to remember the voice over monologue at end, to give my life meaning. in meantime i feel like a little kid with this incredible shrinking body. in a lot of pain too--all the excess fluid putting pressure on nerves. going to be another day from hell, which is another way of saying, another day the goddamned sirians fuck with me, and steal my life. better to be dead than in this psychotic body.

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