I think I went gallivanting around the universe last night. My entire body is sore. I have been very ill, ever since the last cranial manipulations and implants done by the satanists. (I know they were satanists because of one of whom I saw in the dream, and because the dream told me that they tried to shatter my mind into multiple personalities--all the better for mind control). Ever since then, I have constant sick headaches, and am walking around with the psuedo brain tumor complex. This means everything is difficult, and any kind of sustained exercise or thought is extremely fatiguing. I can no longer ride my bike, which was the last exercise left to me, though I can read and research in brief spurts of time. I am forcing myself to do a tiny bit of cleaning (pick up a room or sweep a floor), every day, because as badly as I feel, the house could get out of control very quickly. I knew someone who was institutionalized when cops came to her house and found it a wrecked mess with nine cats! LOL. No, I am not making that up. She was a true bipolar, and was off her medication.
Anyway, I was raging, yelling mad, the morning I woke up with the implants driving me crazy, and I was cursing at the top of my lungs. I was also fully leaded on abnormally high (for me) testosterone levels. To be frankly honest, I really wasn't fully in reality that morning. Thank God, no cops showed up, because I would have demonstrated how really out of it I was. However, as angry as I was, I wouldn't have hurt anyone. Yes, I wanted to throw and smash things; yes I would have cussed anyone out, had they tried to impede on my barely registering physical consciousness, but no, even at my worst, I have no desire to hurt anyone or anything--at least, not when I know that I am crazed out of my mind with pain, psychosis and rage.
I WAS experiencing some kind of temporary psychosis, and I knew it. It was weird, but having a scientific mind, it was interesting to observe it in the very limited way possible. Being psychotic obscures and compromises a sense of self, so analytical self-observation is vitiated. I can state that I hope never to go through it again. I guess I am lucky, that it didn't cause greater disruption and ensuing consequences than it did. When I look in the mirror, I see Jared Lochner's right eye staring back at me--the dense, dark right eye that light cannot get to, because there is too much pressure on the optic nerve. That has been one of the worst of the symptoms now experienced--once again, my right eye is in danger of vision loss due to the pressure on the optic nerve. There is WAY TOO MUCH FLUID PRESSURE behind my eyes, on the top of my head, and the brain stem. Sometimes, it feels like a band tightening with fierce pressure that I cannot bear, so I take a fiornal to help me get through it. Always, I feel too sick to barely move; I find it difficult to function.
I went to Target, to pick up a sports mouthpiece, because I can never feel comfortable with my lower jaw smashed in. I keep waking up, and trying to find a "bite" in which I can rest my jaws, but there is no natural position of rest available. During the day, I mostly, I just keep my mouth slightly open, and have taken to sticking my tongue out, because the 1/2 inch of flesh acts as a prop on which my upper jaws/teeth can rest.
Still, this could all be much worse. I think that they tried to shatter my mind, create multiple personalities, and and then program my mind that night, but it didn't work. I can honestly say that I didn't hear any voices or commands--I was just out of my mind with pain and rage at the people who caused that pain. However, when you are in that semi-psychotic state, you don't think rationally--you want to lash out at whatever is nearest. Again, I think of young Jared Lochner, and his ruined mind and life--he tried to get away from his father (handler?) that morning. Poor kid. I think he heard the voices, and he was trying to run away, but he couldn't succeed. I am certain he didn't shoot Gabby Giffords--there is no way that he would have been trusted to make a kill shot in the condition that he was in.
So, am I a danger to myself or others? I don't think so. I am 99% confident of that, consciously speaking, and 95% sure, unconsciously speaking. I just don't think that I would physically hurt somebody, and if there mind control programming would have worked, I think it would have gone off that morning. Unconsciously, my dreams tell me that I went a little rogue last night, but I think that I was probably on a mission for revenge--after all, every time the satanists abduct me, I garner information for myself, and believe me, as painful as the weekend was, and as miserably sick as I am, I wanted revenge. It doesn't worry me that I went a little rogue. I think I was reckless and fearless in the heat of battle, but that has nothing to do with mind programming. That has been my nature my entire life.
I wish I knew what was really going on consciously; I wish I could remember how beautiful the stars are, since I live such a tiny, circumscribed life, but the games go on. I don't know for how much longer, and am not that worried about it. For years now, I have had dreams tell me that my fortunes were to change or have heard my inner voice saying "soon, soon", whenever I would ask when this hell would be over. God's time is not our time. All I can do is be faithful, and be on high alert and vigilance, for the forces and minions of evil are going to be really pissed at me.