Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Spent most of day sleeping

Spent most of day sleeping. Too ill to function. Feels like the Jesuits/Sirians cut off part of my jaw line last nite. My bite s alloff, and i cannot shut my mouth. So i have a lot of csf fluid on brain stem. feel it too. very sick can barely hold head up. Need about 15-20 X more testosterone that i have, but sons of bitches wont accept that. they just keep cuting and cutting. cant bear to look at self in mirror. dont recognize face or skin color. while rereading my posts it looks like the KaBal edited out referenced to my RED skin tone. Why?

Are they just racist pigs? nevertheless, when I am healthy, i have a base skin tone that is RED, not jaundiced yellow.

I picked up a copy of playgirl to try to become comfortable with thought of having penis. not as uncomfortable an as i thought it would be, once I started looking. i recognize the men's bodies--with muscular legs, and arms as my own. I especially miss the way the back/sacral area runs in a direct line. it is the removal of that lower back/pelvic girdle config that has had such a deletrerious effect on my energy level. I just have to get my mind used to the thought--that is all--I have to see it in my imagination. i am never going to feel like myself again, until i am in a high testosterone male body. end of story.

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