Monday, August 29, 2011

So fucking miserable on whatever stupidass drug I am on

So fucking miserable on whatever stupidass drug I am on--I can barely drag myself to do anything at all, and am severely depressed and autistic. It doesn't help my mood to realize the Jesuits and their stupidass Catholic posse is stalking me again. What the hell do they tell those poor, ignorant housewives? Do they tell them Ratzinger is an anti-Christ, or that the Jesuits are occult fascists, plugged into a machine? As for me, I literally am repulsed by these naive patriarchal women who don't have a clue. If I were healthy AND DRUG FREE, I could free up the energy to actually feel sorry for them, but I am so goddamned sick with these psychotropic drugs that I just don't care. The Jesuits and Templars of Faction 2 are spiritual brothers really--they worship an occult MACHINE, and have no regard for human free will--especially that of a woman's. No doubt they are cooperating closely on the assault of the American people. I fear that sooner or later, they will be successful. I try to stay on top of things, but I am so fucking depressed, it is getting harder and harder.



The depression is situational--it is the drugs and my own misery with this body that has me barely functional. They chopped out a set of ribs for the second time, and once again, I literally am barely able to move in my body. I suffer from constant stomach pain, and bowel movements a 1/2 dozen times a day. I eat, I shit. I should have known the goddamned Jesuits were back in the mix when D. asked me about my eating habits. FUCK THAT SHIT. My eating habits are the same that they have always been--it is the goddamned drugs that are fucking me up! It is always the same old shit with those morons. They are the ones who blamed my eating habits for the weight gain I experienced years ago when they forced me on their goddamned lithium. I may be on lithium now, but I don't know. I will know if my brain starts rushing when I try to sleep. My brain is too fucked up and autistic to sleep in this state. Yet, I don't have enough energy to do anything and the goddamned estrogen makes it nearly impossible to concentrate long enough to read.



For me, the question is clear. How much do I have to suffer in this body, before I admit that I am never going to be happy, energetic, and alive again, until I am getting enough testosterone for my body to be functional, and that will not happen until I have a complete gender change. In the meantime, I hate the carcass I am in, I wonder which gives me the creeps more--the Nazis, the Templars, or the Jesuits--I think they are all cooperating now, and their agenda for me, is once more, "saint", which is another way of saying "mind-controlled". The sons of bitches seem to have no idea how much I despise them-- their lies, their fascism, their apostasy. I try to tell myself to stay positive, that I am doing important work, but really I just want to fucking pass over to the other side, but I am here, and I have got things to do--just not very well today.

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