Finally, a chance to write something personal--I have been going out of my mind the last three or so days, hating my body so much. It seems that every morning I wake up, and my muscle has shrunk, and my boobs and belly have gotten bigger. I CANNOT STAND THE SIGHT OF THESE GODDAMNED NAZI BREAST, much less the feel of them. Because my torso has been so mutilated, I have no chest on which to carry them. Thank God, I wear sports bras, because I would never find a conventional bra to fit. I am going crazy to be fit and strong and healthy. I want to have fucking muscles again! I want to be a man. When I see a man's strong muscular body, THAT IS ME!! I have been trying to wrap my head around the idea of having an outer penis, which seems extreme to me, but the other day I saw a picture of Putin outlining his wares through his jeans, and I realized that it what I wanted!!! No, I don't want a penis inside me. I want it on me. It doesn't seem so bizarre a thought anymore, especially when I have spent the last three days, feeling these goddamned boobs just swinging around and constantly getting in my way, feeling like alien implants. No, I don't think a penis would feel quite that bad--for starters, I would only have to deal with one of them, instead of two. I cannot live the rest of my life in this female body--not only can I not stand it, I have lost all of my innate energy. If I have to live in this body, my spiritual energy will never again peak high, and I will have to have these breast implants cut off. I cannot stand them.
Oh, and of course, I will have to find a lesbian partner.