All the dogs are barking at me

All the dogs are barking at me--I trust dogs. They are excellent judges of the human condition, and often I know what is going on with my astral aura by their reaction to me. I am not positive, but I don't think the problem is with my austral aura now. I am feeling profoundly uncentered, with a clear disconnect and alienation between my mind and body. Since the stupidass PIB's mutilated my body, I no longer am an integrated person. My body does not fit my self understanding, self-awareness, and self image, and I am profoundly uncomfortable in it. Of course, it could be true that my alienation is caused by the reality that I am not in control of my own body, but a group of people who refuse to treat or regard me as a human being with rights and ownership over my own body and psyche, fill me with pharmaceutical poison and alien virus in order to mold me to their expectations. I could forgive this kind of preemptory arrogance the first few times, for a first few weeks, but this has been going on for 12 years now, and my patience is completely gone, as well as my physical health, my psychological and emotional well-being, and my spiritual joy. I woke up, after a lucid dream that I knew was important, but could not remember--almost certainly because I am on depakote or some other, similar drug. The depakote makes me CRANKY, ANGRY, DEPRESSED, and certainly I am feeling cranky, angry and depressed this morning, even though I am functional, which, considering the lost years I have endured at the hands of the PIBs, is a good thing.

I definitely am not centered, nor on the cusp of any kind of interdimensional advance. Instead, I suffer from the "speed" feeling, wired but tired syndrome that is a byproduct of large doses of the virus. My jaw muscles are spasmed tight with the virus well, and I am miserable because I cannot shut my own mouth in this condition. The drugs cause profound emotional unhappiness and the virus causes psychic discombobulation, leaving me feeling profoundly uncentered. No wonder the dogs bark at me. Then, to make matters worse, the PIB's see the discombobulation, anger, and stressed-out hyperactivity as further evidence of need for even more drugs, and so the vicious cycle continues.

I do not feel comfortable with myself in this mode, and while my miserable, discommoding body mutilation adds to my aggravation, I know that the virus is a big part of it. As I have said multiple times, it (the virus) disconnects me from relationship with God, my own inner depths, and peace, which is what I need in abundance, given that I suffer not only from understandable challenges and burdens, but also from completely unnecessary, and artificially wrought difficulties. There is no doubt in my mind that the only way I will interdimensionally travel, is if my free will cooperates with the process, and to do that, I need to be drug-free. I don't need no "stinkin" virus or implants. God created me a unique being with challenges in sensing and adjusting to the 3D world, but I bet I also have the ability to interact with other dimensions quite naturally, if I just were allowed to be natural. As it is, I don't see that happening for a while. Even if the implants, virus, and pharmaceutical drugs were removed today, I think it would take 3-4 months just to find a healthy, natural equilibrium, and that doesn't even take into account, the psychological work trying to get back into a body/mind synchronization, which the PIB's in their supreme stupidity, have disrupted.

No, I am not surprised that the dogs are barking at me. Interestingly enough, when I was a teenager doing my paper route at 5 in the morning, the dogs used to drive me nuts. Every dog in Spring Valley would start following me in a pack, so that when I finally returned home, I would be followed by 20 or 25 dogs. I'd try to shoo them off, for one of them, Baby Face, was a notorious cat killer, and I had to save more than one cat from him, but the bottom line was that the dogs absolutely insisted on accompanying me. This was at a time when I was not psychologically or spiritually mature, but at least I think that the dogs could sense what most humans could not--that my intersexed, bi-androgynous body matched my own intersexed, bi-androgynous spirit. Dogs instinctively know what arrogant humans who hate their own limited, created reality do not--there is no such thing as perfection. There is no perfect race, gender, genes, or human. Perfection consists of a loving embrace of what is ostensibly "weaker" or "imperfect" or "undesired". It took me years to recognize my own perfection, given all the challenges I faced as an autistic, intersexed woman, but I did learn to love myself in an integrated, centered and productive way. Unfortunately, I got involved with people who did not love me as I loved myself, and while I tried to completely leave them and their pernicious influence, they decided they "owned" me, and were going to use their mind-control, slave-owner, game-playing tactics to have me conform to THEIR notion of perfection, and in the process, they have done irreversible damage, and certainly they have left me much less perfect than I was. I am not in a position to strive for perfection. I can only strive for a good day. There is a lot that I need to do, and can do. My mind seems to have calmed down a little bit, so that I can pursue studies. There is a lot of work to be done--both intuitive and intellectual--I have to do what I can when I can....