Another day from hell gone

Another day from hell gone--too sick to read, write, pray, ponder, do anything. I watch TV, but even that is not enjoyable. I am suffering and psychologically tortured to the point of semi-psychosis. I try to keep control over myself, but the truth is that I want to scream, curse, rage--not because there is some inner demon in me that needs to be exorcised, but because my suffering is the result of an unjust torture that has been going on for years and I AM SICK TO THE DEATH OF IT. You stupid fucking bastards, playing your stupid fucking mind games--having some black guy walk up and down my street cursing life. You are so fucking stupid and out of touch with reality--real people, real life, and real situations, that you don't even know that I know every single one of your stupidass Nazi, Jesuit mind games. I KNOW when someone is acting out of suffering, and for them I have compassion, and I know when someone is acting out of a mind control game, and for them I have CONTEMPT. I have decided to quit playing along and point out all your stupidass, lame games and ploys here in this blog (like the mother and son combo walking by yesterday,,,,), just because I want you to know that you are so goddamned stupid and artless that I can see through every move you make. Unfortunately, while my mind knows every stupidassed, pathetic mind control game you play, it is hard for my abused, violated, and tortured free spirit, not to lose emotional control That is why I had to leave the laundry yesterday--I was close to screaming out the frustration and rage of the drug-induced psychosis, at the top of my lungs. You got me to act out of my emotional frustration once before, and I ended up in jail for six months. In a way, it was a good experience, because before then, I actually had a little bit of Christian good will and respect for you (oh, the poor, sappy opus dei patriarchal christians--they don't know any better--in their own blind way, they think they are doing the best for me--bs,bs,bs...). Well, guess what? I NO LONGER HAVE THAT PROBLEM--I know what lousy pieces of shit you all are, and I don't care how much I suffer, I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU, and won't have anything to do with you, under any circumstance or condition. Just got to be careful--tonight, I watched a movie about Lenny Bruce, and though I don't know much about him, I recognize a kindred free spirit, devoted to unmasking the mendacity and hypocrisy of people like you. Sadly, he was hounded to the point of a nervous breakdown and suicide (or was it murder?). I refuse to go out like that. Yes, I need my little outlets--screaming and cursing at you torturing mind control pigs, at the top of my lungs, but I am nowhere near a breakdown. I just gotta keep cool long enough to survive, and my temper rages hidden in the confines of my home. That and pills to help me go to sleep, which is hard to do in the semi-psychotic state I am in...God bless Lenny Bruce, God bless all free spirits, and God bless me. Amen.