worse than i thought

worse than i thought--i am now very catatonic--cannot move head to side or up. recognize the mind wipe now--advanced state of lithium saturation. took me days to get here to catatonic state years ago, but i no longer am healthy. recognize that major brain damage is happening now. MOTHERFUCKING PIGgs already have destroyed my verbal facility and memory with their goddamned lithiyum. totally helpless before it now. dont care. no matter what i can never recuperate from damage pigs do.

i guess this is the result of me listening to b joels song, scene from italian restaurant. i had watched him on tv and wanted to listen to some of songs i no longer listen to because i have them on lp not cd. as i listened to that song, a sense of joy kicked it, because it moves FAST, and amazingly enough, i could remember the lyrics. i love music but i can never get or remember lyrics right, but this one i could--came tripping off tongue with no effort. and i knew why---because that is the frequency at which my brain NATURAALLY moves. FAST--that is why the recall is effortless and perfect, which is rare for me. When i am verbally facile--i speak fast. i no longer speak fast, nor do i have my once great vocabulary. it is not mental illness that my brain moves fast, that is a gift you goddamnned fucks. and you have destroyed it, like you have destroyed me.

long as im talking ot you tell the stupidass fuck who writes to me third party, that you fucking pigs are nothing like my father. he beat my ass, but he never tried to destroy my mind. He worked to provide for me in my childhood, whereas you sons of bitches are nothing but parasitical leeches who have not done one thing for me, but cost me money and livelihood, gifts of the mind and spirit, and years of joy. AYou are just a big parassites sucking on my teat, and i despise you.

Now it is time ot go drink vodka, only think makes lithium bearable. and try not to think abuot how much brain damage you caused this time. brain isnt working anyway--hell what does a woman need a brain for--you have all the ideas you want to put in my head. fuck you goddamned parasites---and never compare yourself to my father. He was a deeply wounded man but hhe was a MAN--and that is more than i can say for you totaltarian dicks.