The Borg Machine is amping up the mind games

The Borg Machine is amping up the mind games, at least on me--big time. I suppose I should be grateful, because once again, I am feeling somewhat "normal" with my usual level of energy. That is because, once again, after presenting my case and supporting evidence multiple times, I have proved my own experiential truth--I need high levels of testosterone--not for a sex drive or an erect penis--but for metabolism, digestion, circulation, brain function, and the full gamut of the billions of cellular interactions. Every cell in my body is XY, and needs the testosterone to fuel it, in order to work, especially when the virus places high demands of energy requirements on it, for my body was designed and developed for the male hormonal system to predominate. When my male hormonal system is starved of the testosterone fuel, the female hormonal system cannot pick up the slack (no matter how much excessive female hormones they feed me), because that is not the way my body was designed or developed, and so I become so sick and drained of energy that I can barely move.

Only God knows the amount of needless suffering I have endured because of evil or stupid mind-control forces who will not accept the word of a woman when she insists that she knows who she is, or what is good for her. No, patriarchal men and women, as well as the Machine Aryan slaves, with their uncreatively stultifying binary vision cannot accept the iconclastic fullness of truth, even when it presents itself clearly, in front of their eyes. The false idols that my being strips of their pretentious claims by my very existence is the primacy of cultural norms that men and women have strict definitions and expectations of them, depending on their gender phenotype. Wrong!!! The more elemental and honest truth is that, everyone single one of us is a child of God, no matter our gender type, and how it fits into the stereotyped generalizations. Yes, generally speaking, men have a different psychological profile than women, but gender should never be used to define or defend rigid role expectations, because each individual can fall way outside of the stereotyped spectrum, and by denying the truth of their reality and doubting the validity of their gifts, of such nonconformists, society takes on the role of the Machine, killing human potential, denying the vaility of the gifts, until it conforms to the binary code.

It is a miracle that I developed my giftedness to the extent that I did, because at every step of the way, I had patriarchal types, products of the binary Machine, informing me, either directly or subtly, that I was a misfit, who had to be conformed to expectations, in order to "fit". Actually, it wasn't a miracle--it was DAMNED HARD WORK, that took every ounce of courage, emotional resilience, and intellectual dedication to understanding, that I had. From the time I was a child to now, I have persisted in being honest to my own spiritual and psychological truth, preferring to go the way of marginalization, loneliness, suffering, and even betrayal and abandonment, rather than live or embrace the patriarchal/Machine lie. Now, I think I finally may have won this battle of proclaiming my self-identity, but sadly, it may be a Pyrhhic victory.

After years of ineptitude, stupidity, and brutal, tortuous arrogance, the Machine and its minions finally have the necessary understanding of my brain function to hack into my brain, and plug me into the Machine. As a matter of fact, I think they were able to abduct me yesterday from a WAKING state, not a sleeping state. I was talking to Dale, when I experienced this missing time--about 20 minute--I know, because I have a highly developed inner clock and strong innate sense of time. Where did the time go? What happened? I don't know. I imagine that I sat there in a catatonic state for 20 minutes. I have absolutely no memory of any psychic images or impressions whatsoever. I was very autistic once I came out of the time-lost fugue--actually, I was very autistic before the fugue. I had been really struggling to stay focused in the present even before the fugue, and I thought that it was because I had been abducted the night before and had the memories and viral-injected bump on my head to prove it. The night before I had dreamed that I had been given another, older model computer. I took this to mean that the Machine was once more, tinkering with my brain/hormonal systems to get a mind controlled puppet they can use to spread religionist lies to prop up another millennia of religonist and zealot slaves. I spent the day, very uncentered and hyperactive--neurotic as hell, but nothing was as worrisome as the lost time. So, it is clear that the Machine can abduct me at will. What does that mean for me? Well, I continue to hold onto my faith (which the Machine cannot take away), and am praying for God's grace to get me through this. I would hate to be plugged into the Machine, to be in limbo, to have a trapped soul, but apparently the Machine has been doing this for centuries, and if somethind doesn't change, it will do it for centuries more. I have to believe that God will come through for me. S/He always does.

The other worrisome notion that flitted across my mind is that the Machine might try to change my gender type to male!! For the Machine is binary--it is not like Almighty God and healthy humans, who can experience reality in 360 degree fullness and truth. It MUST insist upon strict classification, or its "brain" cannot make sense of its experience, but I DON'T fit into binary classifications and never will. Yes, I think my life would have been a lot easier and happier if I had been born in a non-autistic, male body, but that is not the way God knitted me in the womb, and my sould cooperated fully with my deformed creation (or I would have aborted), and so I have to stand by it. I can honestly say that really I am not a man, but neither am I woman. I am truly intersexed, and the best I can hope for is a healthy androgyny. I cannot become a man by having a penis exteriorized outside of me, for I do not have a lifetime of privileged experience as a male, including those formative childhood and adolescent years. Nor can I ever be a woman, for I do not have the hormonal system or innate, chakra and psychological strengths of a female. I am what I am--a very disabled male in a female body, but I can take that and turn it into a highly creative and unique individual, and that is what I have done. Or rather, what I have tried to do, for by mutilating my body, the Machine/Nazi Aryans has undercut my self-esteem and self-confidence in who I am, coming after years of abuse, drugging, and rejection and betrayal by patriarchal men and women (including my own mother). But I tell myself to resist the psychological pain of my mutilation, for I understand that loss of self-esteem and self-confidence is part of the Machine/Nazi Aryan agenda--that it is so much easier to use mind control to plug one into the Machine, when one is of low self-esteem and confidence.

I just want to be who I am--a highly individuated, intersexed human being, free to be me, and free to live out my life choices. I don't think it is going to be that simple anymore, but I will continue to do the best I can, and hope that God gives me the grace to persevere--I have already suffered so much to physically live and psychologically thrive in the difficult life that God, circumstance, and reality have bestowed upon me, that it would be a shame to spend millennia trapped as a lost soul, plugged into the bowels of the Machine, for the amusement of a computer.