I smell a rat--a big one

I smell a rat--a big one, or maybe several of them--in all so-called efforts to help me. My dreams last night were of being sexually violated by a syringe--no doubt the same old shit of destroying my God-given hormonal system to force me into a hateful vessel that a bunch of needy patriarchs and religionists can project onto. I am not the ARCHETYPAL FEMININE--get it through your thick skulls. Nor am I called to be one, or interested in being one, and I am fucking miserable in this feminine body which does not belong to me.

As if my unhappiness in this miserable body wasn't enough, I am worried about the possibility of the dark forces abducting me (I was abducted last night, and they injected my left posterior brain again, so that it was sensitive and painful all day), and either putting me in slavery to the Machine or the reptiles. There is a lot swirling around in my head that I cannot understand. I do know, however, that I don't trust anyone to look out for me, or care about me. If they really wanted to preserve my humanity, they would have done it a year ago. Now, I suspect ulterior agendas and motives. When I am this confused and uncertain, all I can do is cling to God, and pray that I will be shown the way. I continue to suffer terribly. I try to read and think, but my brain literally feels shut down by all the drugging and implants, so that I am not able to do much. Still my inner voice says to hunker down and persevere. It is what I have been doing for over 12 years now.