Miserable, miserable, miserable

Miserable, miserable, miserable in this fucked up, drugged body. Am I on lithium again? I ask, because once more, my weight is out of control--I have absolutely no space left to gain weight. Already the only clothes I feel comfortable in are sweats, but now my belly and ass are so bulging that not only do I feel uncomfortable in my clothes, but the whole body feels like a fat blob and it even is difficult to breathe. Miserable, miserable, miserable. I can tell that I am gaining dramatic amounts of weight, but I am completely unable to stop it. I am just miserable beyond belief. On top of that, I am full of fluid and have serious problems going on with my blood sugar, as per my previous post. I think the PIB's are artificially keeping my glucose levels high as a precursor to shocking my brain with electromagnetic implants, but what the GODDAMNED FUCKING PIGS WON'T ACCEPT is that my body does not respond to their hormonal treatments normally. How many years of evidence, and how many pounds of fat will it take to get through to their DUMBASS NUMBSKULLS. I am over 220 pounds of pure fucking fat THANKS TO THEIR UNCEASING, ARROGANT STUPIDITY. I also think I am being given massive amounts of female hormones because my system is clogged with mucous in my mouth, throat, and nasal passages---I have learned to identify that as female hormones. I have lost the brief window of hope and good energy I felt when I started taking testosterone, and instead feel like SHIT, angry, morose, and miserable, all the goddamned time How much longer can this FUCKING SHIT continue? I can't keep gaining weight like this. I am going to be one of those people who can't move, because I am so fucking fat that the body won't move. Finding it difficult to breathe with all the fucking mucous in my system. Have to try to exercise--cannot keep weight under control as long as i am on these fucking drugs.

I THINK I AM ON LITHIUM FOR I AM FULL OF RAGE---THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOTROPICS DO--GIVE ME INTENSE MOOD SWINGS AND FILL ME FULL OF RAGE. NEED TO DO SOMETHING BEFORE I START SMASHING THINGS.