At the request of my inner voice,

At the request of my inner voice, I have taken 8 testorone tablets in the last 4 hours. The recommended dosage for an adult male is 4 tablets in 24 hours. However, even now my body is craving more. I don't take it, because I know there is an alien implanted brain switch that releases female hormones with every dosage of testostorone. I desperately need more testostorone, but the female hormones are literally killing me, and so I have to work at balancing it out. So now, my eyes are able to be open to reality, and I can slowly, painfully hobble about. I can string words together in a sentence, think thoughts in my head and watch TV. That is a vast improvement over my near coma event earlier this morning, as my body went into shutdown mode on the excessive female hormones that the fucking aliens have put in me.

I am no longer out of my mind with rage, at the body realization that I am severely sick, unneccessarily suffering, and would be in a coma, if I did not take the initiative on what my own body tells me and feed myself testostorone. As a matter of fact, the female hormones depress and repress my body and brain natural impulses, so that I am incapable of thinking well or feeling feelings, but still deep inside I know that the goddamned aliens and their fucking religious zealot pig followers have really done a number on me that is going to force changes that I never wanted to make.

Despite the fact that I now have the body of a grossly obese 10 year old, I have to accept that the only way I am going to be able to live an emotionally healthy and productive life is to to have a gender change to male. I never wanted that. Having lived my whole life as a phenotype female, all I ever wanted was to revert back to the state that had served me well my entire life, and is the basis of my self-identity--intersexed lesbian female. I think that is now impossible. For the fucking Nazi pigs, in their desire to control and "perfect" reality, could not accept the miracle that was my intersexed lesbian identity. I went from being so autistic that I could barely function in reality or even talk to people, to having quite a unique and even loquacious personality--a little bit "off" or neurotic, I will admit, but still very fulfilling and productive--both for me and people I encountered.

Now however, I am afraid that in their desire to "cure" my autism, and turn me into their ideal fembotte icon, the fucking Nazi PIB's have made changes which have "normalized" my brain, and what that means is that it is no longer an immature, juvenile masculine, XY brain, with its unique need of female and male hormones. Now it is an adult, masculine XY brain, and it is going to need much larger dosages of testostorone than it did, prior to the alien brain tweaking, in order to function normally. Otherwise, I become severely autistic, or in extreme deprivaton (which now with my normal testostorne turned off, and forced excessive amounts of female hormones pumped into me, IS FREQUENT), my brain starts shutting down. I realize now that the frequent drowniness I experinece is a more benign way of the brain shutting down--and yes, a couple of more T-tabs, and I was awake enough to watch tv, instead of falling asleep, as my body wanted... As much as my body is craving testostorone (and like I said, if I could I would triple the dosage I already took--to a complete total of 24 tablets in a day--I have no idea how much T that really is, but I bet if I researched and broke it down that is the normal T requirements for an adult male under hormonal/mental stress--due to the virus), I am not going to be able to live as an intersexed female.

To be honest, I no longer desire to, anyway. The forced mutilations on my body turning me into a fat cow, has led to nothing but disgust and revulsion for the feminine body I was once proud to inhabit. I will never be happy in this body. Sadly, I know that I will never be happy as a man, either. I will look like a freak, in a tiny little body with masculine facial hair and bulging muscles. But I don't care about what I look like, or how society regards me. I know what I need to FUNCTION IN REALITY, TO BE PRODUCTIVE IN WORK, TO READ, TO WRITE, TO THINK. For that I am going to need the female hormones shut off and massive amounts of male hormones. I cannot stand being mentally incapacitated as I am by these excessive female hormones. My brain was not wired for them, and since the PIB made changes that made my brain even more masculine (because more normal or adult, instead of autistic or juvenile), it needs the testostorone even more.

Well, anyway, not happy about it, running out of steam, my armes going numb, time to try to hobble up and down alley for some kind of exercise.

Only good news is that it looks like that birth certificate thing boomeranged on obama's ambitions. I am just guessing by the look on his face at press conference. Small solace to the over 300 Americans who have now lost their lives and thousands more, their property, due to this narcissitic psychopath's ambitions....As much misery as is floating around, I will take the good wherever I can get it.