Dreamed last night that I was given my purse back

Dreamed last night that I was given my purse back, by a group of men sitting at a restaurant table. To understand this dream, you have to know that my purse was stolen the day I woke up with the first of outward mutilations to my body. A couple of months earlier, the Reptilians/Orions had castrated my penis from its inner cavity, but while that was a huge loss, and no doubt destroyed forever my unique "orgone energy" that they so much wanted to control and own, it did not leave me depressed over my body image, because I never saw it, until it was removed. I can't say that it was unimportant, as I find myself crying thinking about it, but I am the kind of person, or should I say, man, who just moves on from loss and tragedy. If you can't change it, don't dwell on it. But on the previous night that my purse was stolen (the only reason I carry a purse is that I have to keep all my medications, vitamins, and assorted items on me, or else they will be tampered with), was the first of several mutilations, which I just cannot forget about or not dwell on, because they so drastically altered my body image and structure, and every single day, dozens of times a day, I am reminded of how much I hate the body that I now inhabit. Actually, now that I think about it, it was the second of a series of mutilations. First, they had removed an entire set of ribs from my body, shrinking my volume, and making me fatter, shorter, and rounder. This was depressing enough, but on this particular instance, they had completely removed all my pec muscles, which was the only thing that gave me a feminine bosom and cleavage, and which, since my periods ceased (thanks to the theft of my eggs), was the signature pride of my feminine being. For I fancied my breasts strong, wide, and robust like the breast of a robin bird, and now, without pec muscles or riding hide on a rib, they are just flat and deflated. The fucking pigs mutilated my back and shoulders, cutting out entire feet of muscle and ligament, and they took all the excess fat to make into some kind of droopy fat blobs that FUCKING DRIVE ME CRAZY. I can't stand to look at them. I cant still to feel them. I can't stand to wear a bra or not to wear a bra. There is nothing strong, proud or maternal about those breasts, and the best future I can envision for myself now is a double masectomy, especially since they have altered my whole body, removing my shoulders and upper back from their natural position of prominence, and thrust the chest forward. No one can imagine what it feels like to have your entire back structure altered, your pelvis inverted, and your back curved, and ribs and lats, and muscles cut out, so that I who was once a strong, confident, athletic woman, is reduced to a weak hobbling caricature of fat who cannot bear to look in the mirror or even see my own shadow, as I constantly try to feel comfortable in a mutilated body in which everything I loved about my physical appearance and feel has been destroyed.

The beginning of the depression over body image began with the disappearance of MY breasts, the only breasts I have ever had (what I carry in their place now are Pamela Anderson/Dr. Mengele implants, and I HATE them with a passion), that to be honest, I was quite proud of, as I felt they showed a strong maternal capacity, which is the only characteristic of femininity which I feel fits me, especially since truthfully, I am more paternal than maternal in my approach.

So having my purse, wallet, and identification stolen was a really big deal, not to mention that it cost me over $100.00 bucks. Yeah, I could get another picture and another driver license, but to be honest, the fucking pricks who mutilated me that day, stole my social (not my spiritual) identity, and psychological wholeness and health from me that day. I don't know if I will ever get it back. For now, I am no longer proud of, or comfortable with a female body--it doesn't belong to me, and all it means, is what being female in a patriarchal society has always meant for females--they do not control their own bodies. Certainly I don't control mine, but but it doesn't even feel like it belongs t me.

So, getting back my purse was a big deal, I guess, though my identity hasn't come back. I guess I was given it back, because the Knights Templar and their associates, who were responsible for the series of mutilations that left me a pathetic fat blob, finally decided that I meant what I said, WHICH IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG FOR MONTHS, AS EACH NIGHT I WOKE UP TO ANOTHER MUTILATING ATROCITY. Apparently, I helped them while I slept--we had a mutual enemy, the Reptilians, but I never shared their values. I am nearly 50 years old, and know who I am and what my values were, but my declarations of sovereignty and self-determination were completely overriden, because the Knights Templar really have no respect for the feminine, except as they can control it. Like patriarchal men everywhere, they fear the feminine, and will not allow it freedom, because in their own minds, they cage the anima, and thus ""woman" is reduced to "girl", "lady", "whore" or "madonna", which they project onto. All of these archetypes are valid, but when anyone is reduced and forced to a permanent status of archetype, it denies their full humanity. Such has been the lot of woman in patriarchal society, and such has been my lot for years now.

Still, today, the tormentors stopped the psychotropic drugs. I see where I gained weight (lithium), but I no longer care. I learned to stop crying over what happens to my body. I just hope to fit into the clothes I have because I cannot bear the thought of ever shopping for clothes again. More importantly, I had enough energy to clean my house--something that hasn't happened in a long time. I have learned that when I have energy, to do chores, because tomorrow, I could wake up so drugged up, I can barely get out of bed. Certainly, my energy level is nowhere near normal, and I had to pop a couple of testosterone to get through the day, but my head felt clear for the first time in a long while. I noticed that I was actually laughing. I used to laugh all the time. When I am healthy, I just find irony and compassionate humor in much of life, but when I am so sick that I can barely function, laughter goes out the window. I wish I could say that I felt healthy, but honestly I don't. I still have the virus, I am suffering a lot of back pain from where I was cut on, and from a spine that is arched and curved in an unnatural way for me, that goes against 50 years of design, development and formation. When I am drugged on psychotropics, I am so out of touch with reality, I don't even feel the body), and I am suffering from a severe energy drain. All I can say is that I feel a lot better.

Unfortunately, my brain hasn't recovered either. It has been an intense week in current affairs, with the pendulum swinging back to the side of the Bad Guys. There is so much going on, that I cannot fit it all together. I have been making progress, but today as I tried to work it all out, I realized that once again, my memory has been severely compromised (lithium again--why I gained weight), and I couldn't even remember facts that I was reading a few days ago. Still, I am making progress, but I am not in a position to present my case yet.

Still, I wanted to write something, because I feel that I have to counteract the BAD GUYS. I am 95% certain that I know who they are, but the accusations are so grave that I am going to sit on it for a little while, until I am 100% sure of myself. However, the BAD GUYS made a high profile propaganda piece that I am afraid will have unfair reprecussions unless exposed. This propaganda piece, of course, is the TV show "The Event" which I am sure a lot of people are watching, for this is thinly veiled fact. However, just as disinformation abounds on the web, disinformation is found in media presentations as well. I knew, I KNEW, that there was going to be some propaganda distortion going on with this show, because last week, they skipped a show, and I had read somewhere that the shows (22 of them) had been delivered. So my guess is that after I talked about "The Event" to Dale, TPTB at NBC/Comcast (both companies deeply plugged into the Machine--I know; I have researched it to my satisfaction), decided to go back and edit it some more, reshoot the episode to fit their agenda, which is indeed dark, and even evil. This agenda is what has been going on behind the scenes for the past week or so, but I don't want to go there today. I do want to debunk this editorial slant of the most recent airing of "The Event." There were two subtle, but significant changes in tonight's presentation from the previous 17 or 18 shows. First of all, they tried to give the wooden, lifeless "President" a sense of assertive authority. Of course, this was important because Obama is the centerpiece of the evil agenda--he is just a puppet of course, and thus, by defacto circumstance he has no authority. Because he has been an ass-kissing, brown-nosing puppet to whatever puppet master promised him fame and adulation, all his life, he not only has no authority as "President", he has never developed a sense of authority as a man, a realization thatanyone who read his book with a critical eye afforded by an undergraduate education should deduce. Since our undergraduates are increasingly brainwashed, it seems that a critical reading of his biography never happened, not only with the sophomoric college students, but with trained journalists. Such is the state of our society. My education taught me to read EVERYHING critically, or maybe a less perjorative term, is "with discernment".

Anyway, all those novels college students are supposed to read, teach you to look out for character development and inconsistencies. When does the character change and why? I KNEW that the week layover meant that the show was being tweaked. All of a sudden, the "President" develops a strength and force of character absent from before....hmmm...does that have anything to do with the latest resurgence in Obama's media popularity and revitalized grin? Yes, he has become the go-to guy by the new cabal looking to inaugaratevthe Fourth Reich, right here in the US (oops, did I let that slip....don't want to go there today, but stay tuned. I will write about it before April 21st when Obama will be visiting Area 51, after making an appearance in Reno. Just as the occultists hoped to advance the NASA shuttle "Endeavor" sacrifice by precisely one hour, from the last big sacrifice in Japan, the same occultists hope to install the new "Fourth Reich" precisely one day after the birthday of the man who founded the Third Reich. I don't want to go into this, but it is serious business, and all Christians and people of good will need to pray mightily.

The other big change was in the character of Sophia, the leader of the extraterrestials, which I think refers to the Pleiadians. For the first 17 or so issues, she was a complex, Shakespearian character, and she played her emotionally challenging and nuanced role well. In this episode, she is reduced to a one-dimensional iconic figure of hard core evil, as she plans to take out the "good" President, and replace him with the "bad" President, lying and scheming on her way to conquering the planet and wiping out humanity. Understand--this is propaganda, which twists the truth around 180 degrees! I am pretty good at discernment, and after years of pursuing the mystery, lies and disinformation around the indisputable presence and interference of aliens, I can tell you that the Pleidians are the most benevolent towards humanity that I have encountered. Now, I am pretty sure there is a negative faction of Pleidians whose interference has caused a lot of trouble, and I am making progress on identifying it, and perhaps they DO want to conquer the planet, but I would caution any watchers of the show not to jump to the obvious conclusions to which the show seems to point. The worst aliens have not been the Pleiadians--they have been the reptilians/Orions and Sirians from Sirius B. I have had a couple of encounters with Pleidians and am comfortable in saying I thought that they were "good souls", whereas the vibe of the reptilians/greys and Sirians has been, generally speaking, very negative. Furthermore, I KNOW that the leaders whos judgment I trust the most--Hillary Clinto, Robert Gates, and Joe Biden, have had positive contact with the Pleiadians, and unlike Obama, who is drawn to the dark and evil, like a fly to sugar, they are mature and resourceful leaders of their people. If they trust them, and I think that largely, at this point, that they do, it confirms my own leaning towards a positive appraisal. Still, I must say that I am deeply suspicious and paranoid of everybody. There IS a negative faction of Pleidians out there--are they the ones backing Obama's latest play for unearned and undeserved glory? I honestly don't know enough to say, and I am tired and in too much pain, to go on with any more of this complicated issue. Maybe it would be better to talk it out than write it out...