I know my last post was a rant

I know my last post was a rant, but I stand by it. My dream last night told me that my perception was right on. I woke up with even more cutting taking place. In their attempt to steal my soul, the abductors are whittling me down to nothing. Nothing is all they will ever get from me. My soul is safe, but I cannot stop the mutilation of my body or the hormonal castration they have put on me. They continue to force female hormones on me while disconnecting my hormonal need for testosterone, and with that, they have stolen the unique personality and spiritual gifts that they so covet to possess by "possessing" me. Once again, I am high dosage testosterone tablets, so that I can get up the energy and drive to at least write this, but I know that not only am I severely autistic, I have lost all desire to relate to the world at all. Just want to hide in my mutilated shell and wish for death. Later, I will try to write more, but while the testosterone energy is kicking in, need to do things. My poor body--wracked my muscle spasms, unable to walk, no stamina---my life aint worth living.