I am breaking with my custom

I am breaking with my custom of posting at night, after a day of reading and pondering my posts. Normally, the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is spend a good hour or two, perusing my (multiple) favorite web sites to discern as accurately as possible, what is going on in the world. Because their is so much disinformation going around, even scrupulously honest and good people (like myself) and sites post data that needs to be rigorously evaluated and assessed, before combining it with other pieces, in order to get a good idea of what is going on in the world, and for what and for whom to pray. Then, after getting my superficial "newspaper" (Tita's idea of perusing "the newspaper" is a lot different than the old school style of reading newspapers) fix, I go back and target postings that I identify as worthy of deeper investigation (and link clicking), as my intuition tells me that they will help me figure out the big picture, for which I always am striving.
On top of that, I am trying to do some scriptural reading for Lent--specifically the books of Samuel, Kings, and Chronicles. There is a reason why I chose this reading, but it is too involved to explain right now...maybe in a later post. I do want to say for any eager novices, especially Christian, wanting to read those books, I really would not recommend them for beginners (nor Revelations for that matter--every novice wants to crack Revelations, but it is the most difficult book in the Bible to accurately read and interpret). These historical books are essential reading for a Judeo-Christian person of faith, but in the words of a monastic abbot (I think it was St. Benedict), they provide "strong meat", and so he requested that they not be read during the common listening at refectory mealtime. Most contemporary spiritual seekers would find the violence and unabashed skulduggery of human frailty presented in those books to be offputing at best, if not downright offensive. Still, some day, I would like to present some thoughts on why such historical renditions of a bloody, violent, dysfunctional past and history, belong in the scriptural canon, and benefits the serious student of the Bible (if only because such strong meat prepares us to accept our current political reality with clear vision, and a strong and compassionate resolve, instead of sucking into all the politically correct lies and illusions, so prevalent now). But today is not the day.

Then finally, I try to work on various projects under construction in my mind. Right now there are multiple threads open, and I am literally swamped, overwhelmed, with all the posts and books I want to read, and videos I want to watch. My windows desktop is literally covered with dozens of icons, pointing to posts that I consider it high priority to explore, and yet I can't find the time to do so. Yes, I am unemployed, but I am in such ill health, that I am lucky to find 4-6 hours a day to really pursue my research. Then there were days like yesterday, which was a complete loss, as I struggled to even get out of bed (I suppose I could consider watching an X-Files movie rerun, a productive use of time, but there are so many other fresh avenues calling and begging to me, for attention...). Then today, I woke up with a massive migraine, so bad, that I ended up taking a Fiornal at 9 in the morning. It hurt to open my eyes, and to even reading my "morning newspaper", was impossible, so I decided to post this, since it looks like this day will be another lost day. I woke up with the familiar knots on my head, a little to the left of midline, about three inches from my slightly receded hairline. Interestingly enough, when I slapped the top of my head (some intuition inspired me to do that), I didn't hear the solid "thunk" of a mild slap to the skull. Instead, it sounded like a hollow echo, as if I were not hitting solid bone, but rather some kind of artificial plate that had been put on top of some kind of spongy or fluid material. I am finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. I just want to lie down and slip into a fantasy world (not in a psychotic sense, but rather, because it seems easier to explain myself and relate to thoughts and ideas in fantasy than by going through the hard, but normal work, of putting words to paper to share with the world in the more common and traditional way. I have to force myself to write this, and once again, I struggle for words and memories. By reading yesterday's post, it is quite clear to me, that my feelings of struggling to write from yesterday, were valid.

Still, I have to force myself. I cannot read, but I want to write to clarify my words about Mormons yesterday. Hillary Clinton and the State Department are calling for 2011 days of proactive tolerance for people of other communities, traditions, and beliefs, and I think that is a great idea, and hope that all who follow and appreciate America's current diplomatic resurrection pay attention and subscribe.

Because I felt so badly yesterday, and was struggling for verbal expression, let me clarify my opinions a little bit more. I now realize that the "Angel Moroni" which revealed the Book of Mormon to Joseph Smith, was an alien entity of a faction, which does not have the best interests of humanity at heart. I am sure that alien entities, some of them negative or evil, have spoken to so-called saints and visionaries in the past. However, Mormonism takes this alien communication a step further, by claiming it as an absolute "revelation" from an angel of God. The Book of Mormon, which is a combination of recycled Egyptian occultic theology (from the days when the Machine and reptiles enslaved the people, before Moses liberated them, and a largely (but not totally) phony history, all designed to lead the adherents into a mind-controlled reality. Dupes of the alien faction. This complete conviction that the Book of Mormon is a revelation from God on par with the Old and New Testaments, and the traditions they derive from it, is what makes me declare that the Mormon cult is not Christian. Having said that, let me clearly state that this is in the realm of opinion, belief, and intellect. Even though this is what I have thought for years, I have NEVER said it out loud to anyone, because I find the whole concept of intellectual orthodoxy and beliefs to be more counterproductive than helpful in relations with other people. Yes, I am an analytical person, who assesses reality, unflinchingly, and being honest with myself about what I perceive andbelieve is important to be, and to relate truthfully in the world. People who cannot formulate and honor their beliefs, deepening them to a point of informed, enlightened spiritual conviction, are the people led around the nose by ideologies and bullshit political correctness. But true faith, true spirituality is ultimately not about beliefs, IT IS NOT ABOUT DOGMA, it is about love and respect for one's neighbor. I may not believe that Mormons are really Christian, and if I were in a position of authority, say for example an ordained bishop or something, I might spend time researching the facts in order to present them in debate in a non-inflammatory way, but I am not. Nor do I wish to be. When I was younger, a college student, I loved to debate with people AND WIN. There's a word for that--sophomoric, and the college years are appropriate for that time of intellectual fencing and jousting. Done right, it is excellent and necessary preparation for a mature formation and understanding of self--individuation. Now, however, my sophomoric days are behind me, and I spend my time and energy trying to find what I have in common with others, instead of focusing on how I differ. Mormons are children of God, just like I am, and while I believe, from both intellectual conviction and personal experience, that their religion fosters less than an optimal spiritual health, I am not to focus on, or crusade against that. It is up to them to decide how to live their lives; if one were to ask me for my opinion, I would give it, but otherwise, I keep my mouth shut, and treat them with the respect that I would like to be given to me, even if they think I am not Christian, because I am lesbian, or 5 feet tall, or not strictly orthodox, or whatever.

I lived next door to a single Mormon woman for about 9 months. She had a difficult and challenging life, exacerbated by an incredibly low self-esteem (something I suspect is very common in Mormon women). I was unemployed at the time, seeking entrance into the monastery of the SLI, and so I spent a lot of time praying for her. She had an unwed pregnancy that ended in a stillborn birth, which was a tragedy all around, made worse by the conditions both forced upon, and chosen by her--a revealing story in and of itself--maybe someday I will write about it. Suffice it to say that I wanted so much to give her a little bit of my strength, so that life wouldn't kick her around so much. Because my faith gives me so much strength, I decided one day to talk to her about faith. She was completely closed off, no doubt a healthy reaction, after being reared into a mind-control religion. Rule # 1 for aspiring evangelists--if someone doesn't want to talk about religion, don't talk about religion. God reveals Himself to us through the infinite possibilities found in life and reality, and so, for the time I was her neighbor, I was her friend, trying to assist her as best I could, through the realities that were important to her--shelter, food, assistance, the unborn baby, and then a sympathetic shoulder when she unloaded about losing her baby and the medical maltreatment she endured. Her doctor was on vacation when she delivered, and a substitute doctor made her engage in physical labor for 10 hours to deliver a baby that both he and she knew was already dead in the womb. I had nothing in common with this woman as a Mormon, but I had a lot in common with her as a human being, and a woman, and someone abused by life and the system. That is what a person of faith focuses on--not on beliefs.

However, I don't discount beliefs either. They are important, and often superficially appear like legitimate existential stances, but instead, they are the empty and passionless views of a person led around by ideology of choice, rather than spiritual conviction. For instance, because of my beliefs about Mormons, I am very concerned about one becoming President. I now know that this was a conspiracy set in motion a long time ago by the alien entities responsible for the founding of their religion. I never cared for Mitt Romney as a candidate, because I always felt that he was a prototype churned out by the media-endorsed cult of personality--"look at my dazzling smile and telegenic charisma". I read a very interesting article about JFK recently. The article pointed out that the whole concept of "Camelot" was introduced by the magazine writer/interviewer of Jackie, not Jackie herself, after the death. In other words, the media never bothered to look deeply into the true facts of the assassination or spent any time memorializing the policies, agendas and visions that resulted in the cabal murder of JFK (except of course, for that canonized soundbite, "Think not of your country can do for you"...). No, instead, they memorialized Jack Kennedy's good looks and glamor, which yes, were truly a part of who he was, but that wasn't the only, and certainly, not the most important part. I have seen photos of him in shirt sleeves talking to WV hillbillies, and I guarantee you, WV did not go for JFK because of his glamor or charisma. That kind of popular culture bs is anathema to their culture, and they (we) are immune to those kind of things. (that is one thing about the historical books of the Bible--no Camelot mythologizing illusory bullshit there)...

However, while both Romney and Huntsman (?--former ambassador to China), both have substantive qualities, I now suspect that they will be hostage to the same negative alien entities which have enslaved our populations indirectly for centuries, and now are moving to play an even more direct role. Certainly, the treasure which founded the Mormon's community, came from this ancient occultic gold. Search for Knights Templar, Egypt, gold, and Mormons, UFO over Utah gold mind and Dome of the Rock, and do the research for yourself--I don't have time to go into it. So while my spiritual conviction says "love my neighbor as I see them", my intellectual integrity also insists that I look at the facts and evidence as I see them, and take appropriate action as based on what I know. Our young people are so brainwashed by the media and contemporary education that very few can honestly think for themselves, and that is a situation that needs desperate redress, as this brainwashing--starting with the "Camelotization" of the Kennedy agenda and assassination, has nearly destroyed this country. So yes, don't be afraid to believe what you believe, but in your personal and immediate circles of influence, act on love and acceptance, though sometimes that can involve resistance and rejection as well.

The religionist who shook my hand yesterday is part of a long line of men who will not accept my free will or respect my womanhood. I try to live out my mystic vocation, breathing in and out spirit and love, but they are choking out and killing my spiritual breath with all the drugs, implants, virus, and alien agendas, and it love to resist--both love of myself, love of life, and love to attempt to reveal to them the destructive course they are on. I just learned that another fellow traveller has been diagnosed with diabetes. I know that she is a health "nut" and healthy eater like me, so it is the virus keeping her blood sugar artificially high (like they do mine) that is the source of her problem. How many people are suffering debilitating health conditions because of this mind-control agenda of slavery and death by spiritual suffocation? Even today, I spent most of the morning in bed, but because I am so attuned to my body, I knew something was wrong because I was craving meat, so I took two B-12 vitamins and I got enough energy to finish this post. Now, if I could just plow through some of my agendas...