So fucked up

So fucked up on some psychotropic that I wish I were dead. I am dead. I am the walking dead, totally alienated from fucking life, the world, and the fucking Nazi fat-body that the goddamned PIB's mutilated. Don't know what I am on but so fucked up that I could barely move this morning. Had agreed to help former neigbor move some stuff so forced myself up. but was so fucking autistic and out of reality not really there. Point of post, was that I met some guy, ha ha, another fucking set up i think. I think he was some goddamned psych or dr. but funny thing was i think they chose him because i had talked to dale about a mystic i saw on web. well they tried to accomodate. YOU STUPID FUCKS--MYSTICS ARE RECOGNIZED BY THEIR SPIRITS, not by their physical appearance. A mystic is FULLY ALIVE--THEY PULSATE WITH AWARENESS OF AND CONNECTION TO BOTH THE SPIRIT WORLD AND THE PHYSICAL WORLD. The dr. had a contemplative spirit but as with so many religionists, it came at the expense of his zest and appreciation for outer reality. I can't give it to him or anyone--its got ot come from each individual. This awareness and appreciation is something you not only don't have, but don't appreciate, which is why the whole past last five years has been you stupid assholes chipping away at my once strong mystic spirituality to force me into some small tiny remnant of unfulfilled humanity that you can project on. Well fuck you, and in case you have forgotten, I am LESBIAN, and as a MYSTIC, and FULLY ALIVE, I will never be complete or fulfilled until I am in an intimate SEXUAL relationship with another woman. SAVE YOUR FUCKING MIND GAMES FOR KIDS. Get out of my life--I want no part of fake wannabe mystics. I know, and recognize and appreciate the real thing. today,k though not appreciating antyhing. so fucked up, unable to move, think or function. FUCKED UP WASTE OF DAY. nothing mystical about it