Completely depressed

Completely depressed as I struggle ot live with the heartrending results of the latest mutilation job--not only have they chopped off my shoulders even further, leaving mutilated nubs instead of stumps, they once more cut off major portions of my torso--muscle. I went to lift a 2 gallon jug of water this morning and did not have the strength to lift it! While pouring from a gallon jug, I had to stop and use two hands. In other words, I have lost major muscle, but NOT any fat. Indeed, if anything, I am fatter, as evidenced by my ever tightening clothes, and ever increasing bulge of the belly. There is nothing I can do about it. I KNOW BEYOND A DOUBT NOW, (because of witnessing the weight that my neighbor has lost after telling him to get on testosterone), that the source of all my weight problems is not enough testosterone. As a matter of fact, that is the source of the overwhelming lot of my mood problems, both of emotional centeredness and the ability to mentally concentrate. I AM A MALE IN EVERY CELL OF MY BODY, INCLUDING MY HORMONE NEEDS AND DEMANDS. I don't need testosterone for a sex life. I need it to be able to think, to move, to get up and function, to laugh, and enjoy life, TO BREATHE. I AM NOT A FEMALE, AND ALL THE MUTILATION IN THE WORLD WILL NEVER MAKE ME ONE--IT JUST MAKES ME AN UNHAPPY, DEPRESSED, AND DISTRESSED EUNUCH.

Now I am sorry that all the fucking male pigs (and they are overwhlemingly male) in the world and in alien dimensions who are looking for a feminine avatar are so disappointed in me. I really am. Obviously, you have chosen to reject true spirituality, true freedom, and fullness of humanity for a mind-control slave vision of reality in which women, the feminine fill some unconscious niche for you. I would tell you to marry, to work with women as colleagues, and thus, you would get your need for the feminine met in a real, healthy and virile way. But as the overwhelming lot of you are ROMAN CATHOLIC CONSERVATIVES (both traditional religious orders and lay orders such as Opus Dei), I know that you already reject true spirituality, true freedom, and true manhood. You are pornographers of the spirit. You cannot accept a person, a woman for the individual that she is--you have to airbrush her so that she meets your needs. You don't like my LESBIAN SEXUALITY, or my strong muscles, so in my sleep you chop them off, leaving me freakishly pathetic, with my arms completely unable to move without the breasts getting in the way. Well, guess what? I have less respect for you than I have for the porno addicts. Yes, they can not accept women for the individuals that they are, but want some airbrushed version in their heads, but at least they understand the word, NO. For years, I have screamed at the top of my lungs in this blog, that I want you sons of bitches to leave me alone--that I despise your notion and pursuit of spirituality, but you won't listen. Instead, you deny me my very humanity and fullness of being and assault and MUTILATE the flesh that God gave me!!!! God, how fucking warped can you pathetic monsters be?

I bring this up, because lately I have been getting that proprietary smile again from men--don't know who the hell they are--blue-eyed psychic guero who wants to be my new neighbor (what the hell--the block that I live has to have the largest concentrations of remote viewers in the world, with the likely exception of Washington D.C., and maybe Wall St). Today, I saw another character that I recognized from years ago--Opus Dei. Dear God, I can't believe those sorry sacks of stale, traditional, wanna be spirituality are stalking me again. It isn't enough that their bankrupt, patriarchal religion has two of the most evil players on the planet--Ratzinger and Kolvenbach. No, they still cling to the mind-control system that created, allowed for, and nurtured those monsters to rise up in the ranks of ecclesiastical power, while the people of real spirit are rejected and/or totally turned off by institutional religion (Amen, brothers and sisters, that includes me!!!).
I HAVE NO RELIGIOUS VOCATION. I AM NOT CELIBATE. I am a person of deep spirituality who will impact the world for the better, but my arc is of of a completely different bend than yours. I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH YOU, BUT BASIC, COMMON MORALITY OF THE LAW. You hear me talking in my sleep, but you don't ask me about it..is it me? Is it MY ANIMA? FOR I DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE PSYCHE OF A W0MAN YOU DUMB MORONS. I HAVE THE INNER PSYCHE OF A MAN. Maybe, just maybe, it is an evil spirit of deception. You know, we intersexed people are famous for having those. Because we long to be of one gender or the other, an evil spirit of deception lurks in our minds trying to tell us to want to be one or the other (because then we will finally feel normal). Hopefully,when a well adjusted intersexed person finally accepts that gender identity "normal" will never happen, but they will always be "inter"sexed, the deceptive spirit disappears, but more likely it can still linger deep inside, because, gender and sexuality are the basic building blocks of self-esteem and self-identity, and those evil spirits can run amok there.

SO, HERE IS MY FAIR NOTICE, ALL YOU PATRIARCHAL PORNOGRAPHERS OF THE SPIRIT, I am a tolerant, easy going person, but I am not going to tolerate you pigs anywhere near me. If you come near me, I am going to let loose with a blue barrage that tells you exactly what I think of your type of man (even if I did have a vocation, you couldn't stand me. I would be the kind of "nun" you try to control legislatively, and would I fight back, you sons of bitches...). I suppose that nice guys might get caught in the crossfire, but unless they are psyhic, they shouldn't know. If they are psychic and genuin mensches, well I apologize in advance. But I am beyond sick and tired of suffering at the hands of the porno hounds, and I don't even want them anywhere near me.
FAIR NOTICE GIVEN...