More musings on my day...

More musings on my day...I just watched the 1998 X-Files movie, and I shouldn't have. It just depresses me to realize that I was deliberately infected with the virus that serves to activate the hapless victim as a host to the evil reptilians. While I am lucky enough (thank you God), not to have fallen victim to a shape shifting possession, the virus has wreaked havoc on my body, exacerbated by all the pharmaceutical poison forced on me by perplexed evil stooge doctors, who couldn't understand my resistance. Well, it's not physical, doctors...the source of my resistance is spiritual. Don't know why I'm revealing my secrets, except that once more, I think I am being force fed massive amounts of the virus--I know because it is attacking my muscles, causing weakness, atrophy (and slow death), and painful spasming. I am going to have to take a vicodin to sleep tonight.

I guess the virus is the latest round because the other tormentors have passed me by. You see, that is the frustrating part...Scully and Mulder only have one cabal breathing down their necks, vampirically trying to steal their energy and vitality. I have MULTIPLE cabals. A couple of nights ago, I dreamed of the Borg Machine, and saw McNamara of the SLI. Although he was standing, he had the pallor of death, which I have only seen once before--on my father's corpse, as he lay a newly deceased corpse on a hospital table (I refused to go up to view the casket at the funeral--I didn't need to I already had seen the irrefutable confirmation). Anyway, I knew the dream was telling me that he was (the living) dead. This is the second time that I have dreamed he was dead. The first time was years ago, in my early 20's, when I had shucked off my first negative infatuation with the SLI. In my dream, I remember bowing down before his casket, and my mind said, "he was a great man, but he was NOT a great saint."

I don't think that McNamara is physically dead. I think that he, and other leaders of the SLI, have lost their spiritual free will and are plugged into the Borg Machine collective. I don't think that they set out to be evil, but they got deeply involved with a very evil man, Maurice Strong, who gave them their Colorado property. They didn't know that they were making a deal with the devil, and the devil always wants payback. I think Strong (and possibly in conjunction with the EVIL elements of the Vatican/Jesuits/Opus Dei/Legato faction) set them up to be abducted by the Machine, and they lost their free will. I think that it happened years ago, but I believe that I may have had an encounter with the Machine a couple of nights ago and saw his pallored face. I do know that the patriarchal mind games that religionist spiritual directors have used to control their proteges for years, sets one up to be psychologically ensnared by the machine--which is why the Jesuits--the Order most insistent upon obedience to the extreme--has been the Order most vulnerable to successful invasion and spiritual defeat by the Machine. My refusal to submit to those mind control games (they have nothing to do with true spirituality, and it is a miracle that any saint ever survived such an abusive formation. I know now that I am lucky to have had such a profound conversion experience with practically no guidance whatsoever (except the writings of the Bible and saints. Praise God!)

But apparently, I "flipped off" the Machine a couple of nights ago, and now I am being handed to yet another cabal...who is it this time? The Knight Templars and/or Mormons? I have just made definite connections between these two factions. For years, I felt bad for judging Mormons to be a non-Christian cult, but now I know my feelings were right all along. They didn't just have a flake for a founder. They had aliens give Joseph Smith old rehashed Egyptian occultic gnosticism and pass it off as "Christian" (they also got their hands on a lot of the gold that the Knight Templar had stashed away). I intend to write more on this when I feel better, but there is solid documentation believe me. I suspect the most recent of the mutilations may have been done by the Knights Templar and/or Jesuits...

So what faction did the man today belong to? Racist Aryan--no, he didn't have the smugness that characterizes somebody who believes they are superior to the unfortunates they project all their hate on. Mormon? No. He had an authentic interior or contemplative life, which I have never yet encountered in any Mormon. Knight Templar? Possibly, but he lacked that self-confident smoothness that they have, which comes from working one's way up into high levels of power. No, I would have to guess this is another Jesuit/Vatican/Catholic toady (which my train of thought leads me to believe that THEY have remote viewers on me as well). I dpn't think this wish-he-were mystic was a Machine identified Jesuit/Opus Dei type. I just think he is another pathetic religionist, too crippled by his formation to live out an authentically mystical or deeply spiritual life, and so like the religionists have done for years, he longs to latch on and drain another of a spiritual life that he is too weak and crippled to live for himself. But, as I have been saying for years, while no one listens, it doesn't work that way. Such behavior is psychological and spiritual infantilism, and sadly, that is the state of life that patriarchal religion encourages. The more patriarchal the religion and practicioner, the more likely, the adherent will be spiritually crippled. This man had an authentic contemplative life, but it was all constipated inside of him, because he has no love for the real world. He could not approach me honestly for any insight on the matter, because he has no respect for my free will. He does not want to take responsibility for his own spiritual life, because he hoards his spirit inside of himself, afraid of releasing love out onto a world he judges for their sin and shortcomings, whether real or projected (Lesbian? sex? Woman? Oh my!). You see a mystic is like God in the sense that they cocreate the world with the love and joy they receive in relationship to God. Even if they are introverted, there is a "spiritual breath" that releases from them in their interactions (as when God's "breath" moved on the waters in Genesis). I am reminded of the Buddhist meditation, of breathing in the polluted air (visualizing it as a dark cloud, and purifying it with your own body, and then releasing fresh air into the world, with your exhale).

The trap that babies in the spiritual life always get trapped in, is in the need to control. They want to control the spirit within them and the world around them. God, the Creator does NOT control, because S/He gives and accepts our free will, and that willingness to allow for free will, is what enables the mystic or fledgling mystic to breathe spirit in and breathe love out. Patriarchal religionists have no respect for free will, but only want to control. Unlike the Aryans whose dreams of a "perfect race" leads to horrific nightmares and sufferings, the religionists dream of a "perfect world" which would to horrific nightmares and sufferings, because they would deny free will, and a world without respect for free will is a prison.

This is not to say that I am always able to interact and relate mystically to the world. I struggle to be authentic when I am hobbled by viruses, implants, and pharmaceutical drugs--all of which impinge greatly on my ability to relate freely within the world. But I have been around long enough to know what works and what doesn't. Anyway, these religionists have been vampirically latched on to me for so long, I almost ignore them, but obviously, they are back on the active hunt. They apparently acted through my former neighbors, who came to visit their friend who moved into their old place. It was dark and I pricked my ears when I heard shoes crunching the gravel a few nights ago. When I recognized and briefly greeted them, the surveillance must have picked up the exchange, and these PIB's (who go to GREAT expense and effort) must have arranged it through them, for Jared and Amy are not patriarchal religionist mind control types. As we drove to the apartment where I helped them pick up some furniture from Mr. wannabe mystic, I was a little surprised why the Aryans weren't stalking me, as they usually do when I go somewhere they haven't controlled. It was all PART OF THE PLAN.

Sigh. Such is my life. It wouldn't be so bad, except that I really am sick on the virus/drugs, and I got no vaccine to help me out.

One final note--take a hint from that X-files movie--the bees are dying off by the millions because the virus that they are meant to carry to infect us (now that the whole carbon emissions environmental saturation is about tapped out) is killing them! I will go a step further and say that the Monsanto, genetically modified seed CARRIES THE VIRUS! Stop the infection of the human race! I don't even think it is a good idea for non-edible plants, such as corn for bio-ethanol is a good idea (all the farmer anecdotes say that livestock won't eat genetically modified corn), because I think, (watch the movie), that the bees carry the virus from the non-edible ears of corn. Believe me, I would not want another person to go through the physical, mental, and emotional hell that this virus has put me through.