I guess you know it's going to be a bad day

I guess you know it's going to be a bad day when you wake up crying... Apparently some drug is gone and some drug took its place that has left depressed to the point of suicidal ideation. No matter what I do, I can't get rid of the mucous in my mouth that tells me I am being force fed female hormones WHICH I HATE. I HATE THE WAY THEY MAKE ME FEEL, I HATE WHAT THEY DO TO MY BODY AND I HATE THE SONS OF BITCHES THAT FORCE THAT SHIT DOWN ME. THAT IS NOT THE WAY GOD ME. I cannot bear to look at my own body and see the horrible mutilations done to it. Hell, I can't even stand to be in my own body. I guess my brightest future will be that of the paralyzed soldier in the movie, "Avatar"--just look to live in an astral world, rather than be handicapped and mutilated in the 3D world. For certainly I am handicapped. I have lost all my energy, and for someone who enjoyed being high energy and NEEDED that high energy to love and relate to the world and others around me, it is terribly depressing to small and depressed, having to force myself to do even routine tasks. Such is my lot. I would rather be dead. Time to force myself to do something, drag myself up, and enter a world to see what latest mind games the stupid ass fucks are going to play with me today.