Something going on

Something going on--I can "feel" it, but have no real idea. The world is in such a paroxysm of crisis, it could be anything on the world stage. I have been too sick to be conscientious in my reading and research. Now that I have figured out what has left me so very sick, maybe tomorrow will be better. I need to feel centered before I look at deeply unsettling news.

However, I also fear that the cabal may be planning another involuntary, nonconsensual game. More mind games today. So fricking stupid, these constant mind games. Just ask me a question, you will get an answer. Anyway, now the stupid asses may finally realize how the female hormones are literally killing me, and now I fear an involuntary gender operation. So, listen to me. I know me. I am the one who has had to work through all kinds of misunderstandings and rejections, a good part caused by my unique incarnation as an intersexed hermaphrodite. Yes, testosterone is very necessary, and makes me feel so much better (especially considering how deathly ill I have been with the excessive estrogen), but you cannot turn me into a male phenotype, and think that now my body will be able to handle the virus. I know my body, and I am telling you that my hormonal system is a unique synthesis of male and female, testosterone and estrogen/progesterone, and too much of any kind leads to severe autism and other problems. Or maybe it is the virus that leads to autism. All I know is that I am 95% confident that a normal, mature male load of testosterone would kill me just as a mature female load of hormones will.

The only way I will go astral planing is naturally--as mystics have done it for centuries. But I have to be in excellent physical condition, and capable of serious yoga for that to happen. Such is not the case at all. I have been in severe pain all day because my glutes have been cut on, leaving nerves vulnerable. I now have shooting pains in my right knee, and my whole left thigh is suffering from painful nerve firing. This is the result of a combination of the mutilation I have suffered, as well as my inability to exercise (and when I do, the muscles don't work right). So, I am afraid dear cabal conspirators, I will not be joining you in the astral dimensions for quite some time. Even if everything changed for the better tomorrow, I think it would take 2-3 months just to get the body into a decent equilbrium of health.

After years of abuse, and months of scant exercise, I am not in good enough health to do anything except lay down and take pills to help me with the constant pain I now suffer

PS--I just saw my eyes in the mirror when I went to brush my teeth. Sigh. No wonder I spent all night playing solitaire, unable to get into any serious research. I am drugged on something. Makes any kind of sustained effort, concentration difficult to impossible.